IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Write about the following topic: Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#topic #people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
Nowadays, there are so many
issues
 in the
environment
 sector which are threatening our daily lives. Among those
issues
, it includes the extinction of some of the
plants
Fix the agreement mistake
plant
show examples
 and
animals
Change the noun form
animal
show examples
species
 and that our global ecosystem is threatened by man-made
pollution
 and climate change.
Although
 some say that the decrease of
plants
 and animal
species
 is the major issue, I believe that there are more important environmental problems. Providing the environmental problems that we have right now
such
 as
pollution
 and deforestation will show in
this
 essay along with my opinion. Our
environment
 is now facing some major
issues
 in the following ways.
First
 of all, plastic
pollution
 becomes a big threat to every country.
For example
, since most of the country
overuse
Correct subject-verb agreement
overuses
show examples
 plastic and
plastic related
Add a hyphen
plastic-related
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 products too much, it destroys nature by being in the sea and soil
over
Change preposition
for
show examples
 thousands of years without destruction.
Secondly
, deforestation takes place in most of the country, which leads to
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 imbalance
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our
environment
. In illustration of
this
, the governments and companies cut down the trees from the forest to expand the city and agriculture so that it cannot provide the rain and the drought comes
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. It is
also
 agreeable that some animals and
plants
 are decreasing and coming to the end in our world. It is due to the people’s hunting habits and the effect of environmental problems, which
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
show examples
 our natural imbalance.
For instance
, when the rhino
species
 were rare in Africa a few years ago, the coexisted ecosystems depending on the rhinos
such
 as agriculture started to break down.
Therefore
, they should be preserved to maintain the balance of nature. According to the
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
show examples
 examples, I strongly believe that our
environment
 is threatened by major
issues
 like
pollution
 and deforestation rather than the loss of some
species
 of
plants
 and animals.
Submitted by 2020khinetunnaing on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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