IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some countries allow old people to work to any age that they want. do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

#countries #people #work #age
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
while around the
world
Add a comma
,world
show examples
 nations authorities provides freedom to the elder generation for their working periods and its employee choice, when they stop it. I believe that the demerits of
this
Linking Words
 outweigh the merits and the supporting idea will be discussed in the subsequent paragraph.
to begin
Linking Words
 with, there are numerous drawbacks if elder inhabitants are working in long term.
first
Linking Words
 and foremost it creates health issues. to explain,
Correct your spelling
no doubt
nodoubt
Correct your spelling
doubt
 anyone knows about health is more prominent than wealth, whereas the aged denizens must suffer from chronic disease or injuries if they execute their profession up to the limitation of working time.
therefore
Linking Words
, the barrier of the limited period is necessary for employees for their betterment of life.
Secondly
Linking Words
 , it creates issues regarding fewer job opportunities for young minds. to elaborate, in
this
Linking Words
 contemporary world technical devices are increasing day by day, while it is not possible without the youth. owing to the fact young workers have better information about technical gadgets than the elder as well as they are key to bright future of the nation in the development and innovation sector.
thus
Linking Words
, to boom the economy of national retirement age of
work
Use synonyms
 is mandatory.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it mainly impacts company accuracy. to elaborate, in elder life the fitness level and mental power of humankind is
work
Use synonyms
 from their earlier life, whereas it where mainly impacts on mankind working ability and major drawback for an organization to low their income.
However
Linking Words
 , there are some benefits of employees working at any age. Primarily, they motivate the new workers with their experience. to be more precise , according to mythology and some obstacles experience a paramount role
instead
Linking Words
 of the hardship of youth. Because they have basic information about their
work
Use synonyms
 and they can easily tackle some hurdles on basis of skills. As a consequence, the value of older workers plays an integral role in manufacturing plants. To conclude,
although
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
 for a longer period has a major impact its dark side can not be ignored
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they have
also
Linking Words
 had a significant role in the build-up of the economy of nations.
Submitted by manrajsandhu96 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: