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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many modern children spend a great deal of time sitting in front of a television or computer screen. This is extremely harmful to their development. Therefore, parent should strictly limit the time that children spend in this way. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, numerous
children
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 devote most of their
time
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watching
Change preposition
to watching
show examples
television
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 or staring at a computer
screen
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, which is considered to impede their growth.
As a result
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, there is an opinion that parents should restrict kids'
screen
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time
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. Personally, I agree with
this
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 notion because by doing so, they will spend more
time
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 on other activities that benefit them.
To begin
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 with, spending most of their
time
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 on
television
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 or computers will reduce
children
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's
time
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 for studying or playing with their peers in the real world, which will inhibit their intellectual and imagination development. A study by The Jakarta Post
last
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 year revealed that, on average,
children
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 spend five hours daily on those activities in their leisure
time
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.
Moreover
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,
according to
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 another researcher named Kak Seto, playing helps
children
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 develop their brains and improve their imagination,
for example
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, when reading a book or writing a simple essay.
Furthermore
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, enjoying
television
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 or video games on computers too much will have adverse effects;
for instance
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, they will behave more aggressively or say something rude when gathering with friends.
Besides
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, a study by Republica in 2017 showed that
children
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 who watch more
television
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 or play video games compared to those who do not will be more vulnerable to eye disease
due to
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 staring too much at the
screen
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.
Besides
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, there is another perilous effect of
this
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 phenomenon, namely
brain
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 rot, which will impede a child's
brain
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 function for basic activities,
such
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 as abilities for critical thinking and making appropriate decisions in certain circumstances, and significantly distract focus when studying. In conclusion, I agree that parents should curb
screen
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time
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 for their
children
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 because watching
television
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 or playing video games too much is harmful to their
brain
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 development, makes them behave aggressively, and eventually will lead to
brain
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 rot that will distract their concentration
while
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 in the learning process.

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task response
Be clear on your view in the intro. Say I agree or not in the first sentence.
coherence
Put one reason in each paragraph. Then explain it with a fact or example.
task response
Choose only strong, real evidence. Explain how each example links to your point.
language
Check grammar and use short, clear sentences. Try to cut long lines and hard words.
task response
The writer shows a clear take on the topic.
coherence
There are many ideas about how screen time can affect kids.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • development
  • health
  • obesity
  • eyesight
  • social skills
  • interactions
  • distractions
  • homework
  • studying
  • outdoor play
  • hobbies
  • creativity
  • balance
  • boundaries
  • parents
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