IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #risks #lives
Taking
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 is thought by some to be necessary for
people
, both in their professional and personal lives. While there are both
advantages
 and disadvantages associated with
this
 topic, I believe that the positive aspects take precedence over the drawbacks. On the one hand, there are
are
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
advantages
 to individuals taking
risks
.
First
 of all,
people
 who take
risks
 are more likely to become successful, because they have more opportunities.
People
 ought to expose themselves to the likelihood of failure
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 since the chance of succeeding without doing so is minimal.
In addition
 to that, they will not have to regret
later
Correct pronoun usage
it later
show examples
 in life. Many ask themselves how things would have changed if they had done something, and the fact that they have taken the risk will keep their mind free of
such
 thoughts.
On the other hand
, there are
also
 certain negative aspects that come with
this
 action. The risk of failure is inevitable, and it can sometimes be very severe. There is no way for
people
 to ensure that everything will go
according
Add the preposition
toaccording
show examples
 their plan, and they have to accept the fact that things will not always be in their
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
.
Additionally
, they might feel more uncomfortable and have more stress in their
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
, because they have to constantly worry about a lot of things.
However
, I believe that these issues pose a minor threat to the
advantages
, and they are actually an essential part of
self improvement
Add a hyphen
self-improvement
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
 there are a few disadvantages
regarding
Change preposition
to
show examples
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
individual taking
risks
, there are a plethora of
advantages
 that outweigh the negative aspects. Individuals should take
risks
 in order to become successful.
Submitted by iqunder20 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: