IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people nowadays spend a large of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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In recent years, many
people
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spend
Wrong verb form
have spent
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time
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 using
smartphones
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due to
Linking Words
 the development of technology. We have a lot of content to enjoy nowadays
such
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 as YouTube, Instagram and Snapchat. In
this
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 essay, I am going to find out why
people
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 are
using
Verb problem
spending
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 too much
time
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 on their phones.
Also
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, spending a lot of
time
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 on
smartphones
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 is a negative development for two reasons.
Firstly
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, I will find out the reason why
people
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 spend a lot of
time
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 using their
smartphones
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. With the emergence of the Internet, we are able to enjoy videos, SNSs, etc which has made it easier for us to access information and entertainment.
This
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 content is highly addictive and provocative because they want to attract
people
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.
Moreover
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,
smartphones
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 made our day-to-day lives more convenient than before. Now we can check almost every information online with electronic devices.
Secondly
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, because of
Correct article usage
the incresed
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incresed
Correct your spelling
increased
 dependency on mobile apps for daily tasks, we can't live without our phones. We used to use
papers
Fix the agreement mistake
paper
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 and pens to write documents, but now we use computers. Naturally,
people
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's demand for paper-based content has decreased, which can possibly decrease literacy. From my experience, I could tell my friends' literacy was poor when I was in high school. Compared to me, they were spending more
time
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 on online materials than offline materials
such
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 as books.
On the other hand
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, from the perspective of social interaction, there's a significant reduction in face-to-face interactions and physical activities. As kids grow up, they have to interact with others to develop their emotions and sense of self. But if they
use
Verb problem
spend
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 more
time
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 on
smartphones
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instead
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 of spending
time
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 with peers, they are going to have difficulty communicating with others.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure to provide clear transitions between ideas to enhance the flow of the essay.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make your points clearer.
task achievement
The introduction clearly outlines the main focus of the essay.
task achievement
The points made about addiction to smartphones and its impact on literacy are relevant and thought-provoking.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Connectivity
  • Multifunctionality
  • Instant gratification
  • Digital natives
  • Cybersecurity concerns
  • Social isolation
  • Ergonomic issues
  • Technological addiction
  • Virtual communities
  • E-learning
  • Telecommuting
  • Screen time
  • Digital detox
  • Mobile applications
  • User interface
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Information overload
  • Carpal tunnel syndrome
  • Procrastination
  • Phubbing (ignoring someone in favor of a mobile phone)
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