IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Many students find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school. What are the reasons? What could be done?

#students #attention #school
There exists a school of thought
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
 it is difficult to be focused or interested at school. I am inclined to think that the prime reason is that social
media
 and educational establishments should try to make classes more interactive to attract the young generation. Ever thought that one of the biggest drawbacks of social
media
 among youngsters will become losing enthusiasm to study? Obviously, TikTok and Instagram have huge coverage among youngsters, who spend hours long watching videos of celebrities and famous people and
accordingly
, seems they forgot about building their own lives and become just passive watchers of others. Indeed, the learning process seems quite boring compared to watching colourful videos that require absolutely no effort. To illustrate, my nephew after registration in Tiktok could not zero in on his studies without scrolling
every
Correct pronoun usage
his every
show examples
 half an hour his feed which
also
 affects his marks at school. I do consider schools should start using social
media
 and change the format of teaching at schools. Definitely, Instagram reels or TikTok videos could be used for posting teaching materials in order to increase curiosity and make children revise their knowledge during their pastimes. Nowadays, the interests of children have changed and
therefore
 colleges should be modernized in order to engage students in the learning process. To illustrate, with flying
colors
Change the spelling
colours
show examples
 dermatologists from the USA have already used these platforms to increase the awareness of skin diseases and
accordingly
 educate people with relevant actions and solutions and I have fully changed my skincare routine based on their provided information. To sum up, social
media
 has created a mindset shift among its users and teachers should “put their hand on the pulse” in order to be up to date and appeal to youngsters studying.
Submitted by angaydn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • concentration
  • attention span
  • distractions
  • technology
  • boredom
  • tiredness
  • engagement
  • learning disabilities
  • teaching techniques
  • classroom size
  • family issues
  • health problems
  • motivational strategies
What to do next:
Look at other essays: