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Writing Samples
Band 5

Older people often choose to spend money on themselves (e.g. on holidays) rather than save money for their children after retirement. Is this a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
Nowadays most
parents
Use synonyms
 choose to use earned wealth for their own preferences
such
Linking Words
 as holidays, events and wishes. It leads to the next generation
could
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 anything materialistic from their elders. In my opinion,
that is
Linking Words
 definitely a negative aspect that has more drawbacks rather than benefits.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, it is always a choice to have a child, which leads to treating them in the best way possible.
That is
Linking Words
 why ancestors must take care of their creatures and make a future by saving capital for them. Children depend on their relatives, and for ,
parents
Use synonyms
 it is a big responsibility to help, even after their retirement.
For instance
Linking Words
, the savings that come from
parents
Use synonyms
 can save a child
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 has been suffering from bankruptcy.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, as in recent research, most people have an opportunity to become more successful
due to
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
’ help which counts as the first investment for some businesses.
Body paragraph 2
Elders that spend all their money to possess their wishes may lead to disrespectful affairs from the next generation. Mostly when ancestors do not leave any materialistic things, it definitely results in negative emotions
such
Linking Words
 as anger and frustration.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when offspring know that their
parents
Use synonyms
 not going to help and save money, it comes to resentment and misunderstandings.
For example
Linking Words
, it is usual to see that Russian ancestors after legacy their children go on trips and try to wholeheartedly live.
As a result
Linking Words
, relationships within the family
ruin,
Wrong verb form
are ruined
show examples
 because of indifference from the older side. In some way, when
parents
Use synonyms
 think about only themselves, it can hurt the feelings of offspring who were trying to just have love.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 it has become a trend to live by all heart in older ages, it has a more negative effect on family, which totally could not be a positive one without collusion within a house.

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task response
Work on providing a clear and comprehensive response to the task question. Ensure all aspects of the prompt are addressed.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing ideas and arguments more effectively. Develop a stronger introduction and conclusion to frame the essay.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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