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Band 5

Do you think the retirement age should be raised ??

#retirement #age
People worked hard to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
able to save money for their
retirement
. It is often
agrued
Correct your spelling
argued
agreed
 to increase the
age
 limit of
employess
Correct your spelling
employees
 before they retire.
This
 essay will discuss the reason why
the
Correct article usage
apply
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companies should maintain the current
age
 limit for
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 workers. Reaching
the
Correct article usage
apply
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retirement
age
 is a common goal for employees. It means
,
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apply
show examples
 the day has come that waking up early and doing routine
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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 is not necessary. After dedicating full energy and time
into
Change preposition
to
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 earning, it is just right to
finally
 take
rest
Correct article usage
a rest
show examples
 and enjoy the sweet fruits of their
labor
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labour
show examples
.
This
 is only possible if they are still fit and capable of engaging
to
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in
show examples
 different types of activities.
For example
,
traveling
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travelling
show examples
 abroad,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
requires a healthy body to endure long
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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, try on different foods and do extreme sports. If the
retirement
age
 will be increased, people have the time and money to visit another country but
unable
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are unable
show examples
 to use it for relaxation.
In addition
,
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the aging
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aging
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ageing
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 population usually develop
long term
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long-term
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 disease like hypertension and
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diabetes
diabetis
Correct your spelling
diabetes
. Since health is a crucial part of
workers
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workers'
worker's
show examples
 performance, the productivity of the company will be
graetly
Correct your spelling
greatly
 affected due to sick leaves and absences that cannot be avoided.
In addition
,
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 have frail
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 and bones that can easily break with a simple slip and accidents that can happen while performing their tasks. The employers will be subject to fund the health expenses that will
furthermore
 hurt the company's financial status. To conclude, it is important to keep a
fix
Replace the word
fixed
show examples
retirement
age
 to allow
Add an article
the worker
a worker
show examples
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 to enjoy life while they still can and to save the company from avoidable losses because of employing old workers.
Submitted by September on

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