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Band 4.5

Many people think that the behavior of professional sportsmen off the field is not important as long as they are good players. To what extent do you agree or disagree with it?

#people #behavior #sportsmen #field #players
Across the world,
people
 are
Add an article
a fan
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fan
Fix the agreement mistake
fans
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 of sportsmen. They appreciate the sportsmen when they perform on a
field
 but
also
 some
people
 are like paparazzi, they are
also
 interested
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the private
life
 of these sports
people
. We will elaborate
further
 on whether a professional sportsman's behaviour on the
field
 or out of it has an impact on society. My son is a fan of Christiano Ronaldo who is a famous footballer in the Manchester United team. He even has posters of him in his room and he often talks about him as
an
Change the article
a
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 hero and often shows me his pictures on Instagram, either when he is on the
field
 or with his family. Impressively,
Christianio
Correct your spelling
Christiania
 sets an example to young
people
 when they learn about his
life
 journey. He was a poor boy who with determination and perseverance has become rich. If Christiano misbehaves in society, fans
specially
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especially
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 little kids will be affected.
On the contrary
, some
people
 are not interested
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the private
life
 of sportsmen, they are rather interested
about
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the performance of the athlete on the
field
 only. I agree somehow that the private
life's
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lives
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 of the athletes do not concern the public.
However
Add a comma
,However
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 if athletes
shows
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show
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agressivity
Correct your spelling
aggressivity
aggressively
 out of the
field
, it will definitely be the talk of the town.
As
Change preposition
In
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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conclusion, I believe that the behaviour of an athlete outside his career path should not concern the public. I strongly believe that every individual should have his own privacy.In my opinion, the only thing which I will strongly disagree
is
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with is
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 if a
sportman
Correct your spelling
sportsman
sportsmen
 misbehaves with
people
 because of
his
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the
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 abusing power that he thinks he inherits as being famous.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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