IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In recent years, there has been a rise in the use of performance-enhancing drugs in sports. What are the consequences of doping for athletes? What measure should be taken to combat this issue?

#years #rise #drugs #sports #consequences #athletes #measure #combat
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, there is an uprising issue of more frequent usage of doping among sportsmen. Athletes, resorting to
such
Linking Words
 measures, will eventually face severe consequences for their choice.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that some measures should be taken to decrease the use of performance-enhancing drugs. The main consequences that a sportsman after doping will face are the end of their career and loss in a source of finance. As it is banned to use doping to ensure fair competition, there will be strict sanctions against an
athlete
Use synonyms
 who used it, which include ending their career and banning them from any sport forever. Another aftereffect is a loss of social respect and trust and, eventually, becoming a notorious
athlete
Use synonyms
.
Such
Linking Words
 a bad reputation can strongly influence a sportsman's income, decreasing the number of sponsorships and advertising contracts, as no respectful business would like to deal with an infamous
athlete
Use synonyms
. Despite the popularity of doping, I believe there are some ways to decrease the usage of it. First and foremost, there must be compulsory strict check-ups before the competition to check if sportsmen are using any kind of drugs influencing their performance.
Such
Linking Words
 checking can prevent athletes from trying doping as they will fear that it will be discovered no matter what. Second of all, there should be more programs or advertisements to raise awareness of doping and all of the aftereffects an
athlete
Use synonyms
 can face afterwards. If young athletes know more about the consequences of performance-enhancing drugs, they will realise how much doping is not worth it. Taking everything into consideration, there are adverse effects of doping
such
Linking Words
 as ending an
athlete
Use synonyms
’s career and their income decrease. There are
also
Linking Words
 some ways to combat
this
Linking Words
 issue, like mandatory check-ups and raising the awareness of drug’s aftereffects.
Submitted by arinatiutina on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure that essay content reflects a fully developed response to all parts of the task. Some ideas could benefit from deeper exploration to fully satisfy task requirements. Aim to explicitly address all aspects of the question.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on creating a more fully fleshed out structure and logical progression of ideas. While your essay has a recognizable introduction and conclusion, the development of ideas within individual paragraphs could be enhanced for better coherence.
Task Achievement
Use specific, real-world examples to support main points, which add depth and clarity to the argument presented. Avoid generalities and present concrete examples to strengthen your position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: