IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

For all children, the ability to play a musical instrument is just as important as the ability to read and write. How far do you agree with this suggestion? How important is it for a child to learn to play a musical instrument, in your view.

#children #ability #instrument #suggestion #child
During childhood, every child ought to captivate a musical skill apart from their regular educational program.
Although
 studies provide assistance in polishing their career prospective, playing a keyboard would enhance their mental ability at a tender age. I firmly believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 becoming proficient in both education and instruments is crucial and it would assist the pupil in their overall growth.
To begin
 with, extracurricular activities apart from reading and writing are essential to stimulate the brain actively. If a student
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
indulged in playing an instrument at a young age, it would definitely help him to concentrate well
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 his studies and
also
 keep him healthy. Recently it was seen that,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
,example
show examples
 students who play
Change the article
the trumpet
show examples
trumpet
Fix the agreement mistake
trumpets
show examples
 when they were young, tend to have strong lungs as compared to those who did not.
Therefore
, these
extra-activities
Correct your spelling
extra activities
show examples
 develop the mindset of children saving them from boredom.
Moreover
, having multiple expertise would yield different choices in career
prospect
Fix the agreement mistake
prospects
show examples
. To elaborate
further
, there would be exorbitant chances of getting
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
 in their area of interest whether it be in academics or
music
Correct article usage
the music
show examples
 industry.
For instance
, the students who are proficient in playing any kind of instrument
as well as
Add the comma(s)
, as well as excellent performer at academics,
show examples
excellent
Add an article
an excellent
show examples
performer
Fix the agreement mistake
performers
show examples
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 academics tend to get a high salaried
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
Thus
, learning a musical instrument would increase
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job opportunities in the future. To conclude, it can be inevitably seen that playing
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
 along with studies
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 critical for the overall development of the children, but somehow it
also
 depends on the creativity and choice of the pupils.
Submitted by tarankaur15 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: