IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some countries allow old people to work at any age that they want. Do the advantage outweight the disadvantage ?

The retired working force is the real gem for any country
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
; therefore
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therefore
Punctuation problem
therefore,
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 some countries didn't set up
upper
Correct article usage
an upper
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 age limit for retirement. I believe demerits outweigh
merit
Fix the agreement mistake
merits
show examples
.My subsequent crumb of writing will elucidate my viewpoints with relevant examples. To start with, in today's fast-moving world, the organisation has more
expectation
Fix the agreement mistake
expectations
show examples
 from the
workforce
Use synonyms
 to achieve common goals where uninterrupted work, high focus and concentration
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 required.To achieve all these,
young
Punctuation problem
young,
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 energetic blood is required
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 an
old
Punctuation problem
old,
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 experienced
workforce
Use synonyms
 can't handle
such
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pressurized
Change the spelling
pressurised
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 situations.
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Also
Punctuation problem
Also,
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 in
such
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 a competitive environment,
employees
Use synonyms
 should be familiar with the new technologies and learn them quickly whenever required
,
Punctuation problem
. Moreover
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moreover
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,after a certain
age
Add a comma
age,
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 people lose the tendency to learn and grasp new things,
due to
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 which the aged
workforce
Use synonyms
 remains behind all time.
For example
Linking Words
, in my organisation, a group of aged
employees
Use synonyms
 were handling the legacy system
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 when it
replaces
Wrong verb form
replaced
show examples
legacy
Correct article usage
the legacy
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systems
Fix the agreement mistake
system
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 with the latest
technology
Punctuation problem
technology,
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 it was hard for them to learn and work. There are certain areas where old
employees
Use synonyms
 have the upper hand over the
young
Punctuation problem
young,
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 energetic
workforce
Use synonyms
.In some industries, experience played a crucial role
like
Punctuation problem
, like
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 handling account books
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and managing the volatile
workforce
Use synonyms
 in the garment
industries
Fix the agreement mistake
industry
show examples
.With their experience and immense
knowledge
Add a comma
knowledge,
show examples
 they can teach new
employees
Use synonyms
 so that they turn them productive quickly in a short span of time.
To conclude
Linking Words
, in my opinion, in certain areas aged
workforce
Use synonyms
 played a crucial role where they are sharing their experience with others to achieve common goals quickly
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 experiences faded out if work is replaced with a new workflow or with new technologies.

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task-response
Make your view clear in the start and keep it in all of your writing. Say what you think and why in one line in the intro.
task-response
Balance the ideas. Give more pro and con points. Use more specific examples.
coherence
Use short and plain sentences. Break long lines into two to three shorter ones.
coherence
Link your ideas with clear transitions. Use words like however, also, in addition in a calm way.
grammar
Check grammar and verb form. Some verbs are used wrong or miss form. Fix mistakes like it replaces vs it was replaced.
structure
Clear plan with intro, body, and conclusion.
content
Use of examples to back points.
coherence device
Use of linking words like 'To start with', 'For example', 'To conclude'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • plus
  • minus
  • benefit
  • problem
  • health
  • money
  • income
  • work
  • job
  • age
  • older
  • younger
  • people
  • country
  • policy
  • rule
  • law
  • system
  • skill
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • wisdom
  • hours
  • flexible
  • part time
  • safety
  • check
  • balance
  • therefore
  • conclusion
  • overall
  • common
What to do next:
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