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Band 5.5

Some people believe that teenagers should be required to do unpaid community work in their free time. This can benefit teenagers and the community as well. To What extent do you agree and disagree?

#people #teenagers #community #work #time #benefit
Adolescence is the crucial stage of interpersonal development and learning social skills. During
this
 age, the young brain should be occupied with positive thoughts to be an integral part of the
community
.
Therefore
, some people thought that if teenagers serve the
community
 in their spare time without any financial benefits, it will benefit not only the
community
 but teenagers as well. Indeed, I do support the above view and will discuss in detail the significant impact of teenagers’ active participation in
community
 services. While working with experienced people who are dealing with sparking social issues on daily basis, the teens will gain confidence to deal with unexpected trials in their own lives in the future.
For example
 , if a youth always blames his parents for not providing his luxury items but when he starts volunteering work in the local homeless teen project, only
then
 he would realize how same-aged youngsters are facing hardship for shelter and food due to
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 family crisis.
Secondly
, It is well said that Juveniles’ emotions and experiences are permanently imposed on their brain throughout their life.
Therefore
,
to direct
Change the verb form
directing
show examples
 these emotions and the learning stage
towards
Change preposition
toward
show examples
 social connection will be fertile in the future. Undoubtedly, the
community
 is always seeking the support of juveniles as they are full of energy and active aspiration.
For example
, due to disability and
Add a hyphen
age-related
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age -related
Correct your spelling
age-related
show examples
,
illness
Add a comma
,illness
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 some seniors cannot avail of some services from the local authorities but minors should come forward to help them with gardening , social activities and medical transportation.
Furthermore
, teenagers’ new innovative ideas bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
development to the local
community
 centres .
For example
, most families are disadvantaged financially, emotionally, and psychologically.
Consequently
, they are unaware of the recent technological developments. Teens help them how to use new technology
such
 as mobile phones,
computers
Correct word choice
and computers
show examples
 and how to use social media to communicate with their families and authorities.
Hence
, I do understand that other activities are
also
 important for teenagers but at least a few days or hours should be spent
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
serving the local people. A family is the part of a society which leads to a city ,
then
 a state and a nation.
Therefore
, The youngsters are the strongest pillar to built not only the local
community
 but a strong nation as well .
Submitted by 76nainuasr on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • required
  • unpaid
  • community work
  • benefit
  • teenagers
  • life skills
  • volunteering
  • empathy
  • compassion
  • socially aware
  • responsible
  • interact
  • diverse backgrounds
  • cultural understanding
  • tolerance
  • work experience
  • essential skills
  • employment
  • interests
  • passions
  • career development
  • contribute
  • betterment
  • development
  • local community
  • mental well-being
  • stress
  • self-esteem
  • burden
  • academic
  • personal lives
  • time management
  • support
  • balance
  • participate
  • encouraged
  • numerous benefits
  • individuals
  • conclusion
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