IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that families of politicians should not be allowed to study or seek medical attention abroad. Do you agree or disagree?

In every progressive
society
Add a comma
,society
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 it is a common expectation that the leaders be accountable to those they lead. It is for
this
Linking Words
 reason that many people share the opinion that families of the running class should be banned from seeking health
care
Use synonyms
 services and education overseas and I strongly agree with them.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
because
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 restriction will force the leaders to improve the local health
care
Use synonyms
 system and academic institutions.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it will reduce the cost of governance. If the loved ones of politicians are stopped from going outside the
country
Use synonyms
 for health and learning purposes, those in authority will have no option but to fully develop the schools and hospitals under their administration.
Consequently
Linking Words
 making the
country
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 the best place for not just their family members but the entire citizens.
For example
Linking Words
, in Nigeria today, there is an ongoing strike of the entire academic staff of all federal universities in the
country
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 and unfortunately, the people in power
Correct your spelling
do
show examples
don
Correct your spelling
do
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 not seem to
care
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
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 the reverse would have been the case if these VIPs had words in Nigerian universities. The
national
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National
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 Treasury will be relieved of
unnecessary
Add an article
the unnecessary
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 financial burden of spending foreign currency to
care
Use synonyms
 for the medical needs of a small section of the citizens and
consequently
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 the value of the local currency will improve. The current devaluation of the naira
as a result
Linking Words
 of spending other
Use synonyms
country's
Fix the agreement mistake
countries'
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 money is a perfect example. To round up, I believe it is a very good idea to get all the relatives of those in power to patronize our local academic institutes and medical
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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. So as to enable the
country
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have
Add the particle
to have
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Add a hyphen
world-class
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world class
Add a hyphen
world-class
show examples
 schools and
care
Use synonyms
 facilities
in addition
Linking Words
 to a great reduction in the cost of governance

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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