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Band 5

For many people the reason they work hard is to earn money. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #reason #work #money
In today's world, everyone is running behind wealth blindly.Earning wealth is
one
 of the art everyone wants to master ,
however
,hard
work
 is not
one
 of the ways to earn
money
 and I completely disagree that laymen do hard
work
 to earn
money
 only.My subsequent crumb of writing will elucidate my viewpoints with relevant examples. Commencing with, the ultimate goal of hard
work
 is not
money
 but to achieve different aspects of life. From
childhood
Add a comma
,childhood
show examples
 students learn and
work
 hard so that
one
 day they will join a prestigious college,
moreover
, things didn't end up here, students still competing with fellow mates to get
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
marks
Correct the article-noun agreement
mark
show examples
 which is a key to
enter
Wrong verb form
entering
show examples
 corporate
work
 with the handsome salaries.
For example
, to clear
IIT
Correct article usage
the IIT
show examples
 entrance, I had to
work
 had to spend 15-16 hours
into
Change preposition
on
show examples
 studies, cut off from myself from social media and friends to clear the entrance exams,but fails.
Furthermore
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 hard
work
also
 brings other abilities like dedication and commitment
towards
Change preposition
to
show examples
work
.
For example
, to get promotional early in the private organisation
one
 had to compete with fellow colleagues, think out of
box
Add an article
the box
show examples
 and complete the project with 100% accuracy.Hard
work
 along with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smart
work
 brings reputation and respect.Doing all
such
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 is not a key to
earn
Wrong verb form
earning
show examples
money
 but it's a guarantee to earn respect and fame,even labour do the hard
work
 throughout the day but earn less than 3
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
show examples
 a day
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which he or she can survive. To conclude,in my opinion,
Correct your spelling
hard work
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
 brings confidence,concentration and respect, even
uneducated
Correct article usage
an uneducated
show examples
 person can
also
 earn wealth,but the ple,
asure
Correct your spelling
sure
 to earn all
such
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
is a
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
different level.
Submitted by abt.dhruv on

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • necessities
  • monetary rewards
  • quality of life
  • luxury items
  • dependents
  • responsibility
  • pursue
  • personal interests
  • cultural pressures
  • wealth accumulation
  • fulfillment
  • visible measure
  • correlate
  • secure future
  • comfortable lifestyle
  • entertainment
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