People's shopping habits depend more on the age group they belong to than other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Parallel with advances in technology,
people’s
shopping patterns have changed dramatically. Some people claim that individuals’ age has the most significant impact on their shopping tendency. From my perspective,
however
, there are many other key factors that influence
people’s
shopping
decisions
. One primary reason is gender. Females and males have totally different tendencies in purchasing goods. Women are willing to spend money on clothes and other things for dressing up.
On the other hand
, men tend to purchase goods that are useful
instead
of luxury products. Take adults in Taiwan as an instance; Females in
this
country spend most of their money on buying computers and other gadgets that can be used on a daily basis.
However
, Taiwanese girls spend their salary on purchasing make-up and clothes.
As a result
, sex has a profound impact on individuals’
decisions
on shopping.
In addition
to gender, fellows
also
have a notable influence on
people’s
buying habits. Empirical studies have provided considerable evidence that individuals are easily changed by people around them. The closer they are, the easier they can be affected.
As a consequence
, friends might be a significant factor in
people’s
shopping tendencies.
For example
, in order to integrate into their friend zones, youngsters tend to buy the same goods,
such
as clothes or smartphones.
Therefore
, friends can
also
affect
people’s
shopping
decisions
. By way of conclusion, I firmly disagree that the most impactful factor in
people’s
shopping habits is age. Not only does gender have an impact on individuals’ buying tendencies, but
people’s
fellows can
also
influence their
decisions
.
Submitted by weber61543 on

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear position against the statement and supports it with relevant reasons. However, it would benefit from a more detailed analysis of how age does impact shopping habits to create a balanced argument.
task achievement
Ensure that examples provided are consistent with the argument. The example given about adults in Taiwan seems to confuse general trends between males and females with specific national trends, which weakens the argument slightly.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by connecting ideas more smoothly. For example, transitional phrases could help in guiding the reader through the argument more seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion that clearly state and summarize the main argument of the essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with clear main points supporting the argument.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples are provided to support the main points, making the argument more convincing.
task achievement
Clear and comprehensive ideas are presented, showing a good understanding of the topic at hand.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption patterns
  • digital natives
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar stores
  • target demographic
  • disposable income
  • consumer behavior
  • market segmentation
  • purchasing power
  • retail therapy
  • brand loyalty
  • impulse buying
  • price-sensitive
  • cross-generational
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