Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large amount of toys?

In the busy life nowadays, parents do not always get to play with their
children
. In order to solve the problem,
children
are provided with a significant amount of
toys
to keep them accompanied.
However
, while keeping themselves entertained all the time,
this
can eventually
results
Change the verb form
result
show examples
in them being overweight. One of the essential advantages of giving young ones
toys
to play with is that they would not get bored and can play with their choice according to their mood and taste.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
show examples
, playing with different kinds of treats can develop skills like problem-solving and organization, both being extremely beneficial for the child in the near future.
On the other hand
, supplying offspring with a large sum of
toys
will lead them to be
overload
Wrong verb form
overloaded
show examples
.
For instance
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
toys
which are popular among
children
,
such
as LEGO, are played
Change preposition
with indoor
show examples
indoor
Correct your spelling
indoors
show examples
, which reduces their physical activity to a great extent.
Moreover
, having a huge number of
toys
makes
children
undervalue them,
therefore
, making them obese and not helping them realise their worth. All in all,
although
giving them
enormous
Add an article
the enormous
an enormous
show examples
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
show examples
of trinkets will help them in improving various skills, parents should cut down on the number.
Furthermore
, parents should try to motivate their
children
to increase their physical activity
even more
Add the comma(s)
, even more,
show examples
to save them from becoming obsessive.
Submitted by shin.le1988 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: