IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that the government should provide financial assistance to artists, while others argue that artists should be responsible for funding their own creative projects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In the ongoing discourse regarding the financial support of
artists
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, divergent opinions exist.
While
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 some advocate for
government
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 assistance to nurture the creative endeavours of
artists
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, others contend that
artists
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 should bear the financial responsibility for their projects. In
this
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 essay, I will explore both views and examine the merits of each, before expressing a personal viewpoint on that matter. On the one hand,
government
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 funding for creative projects has its merits. One reason is that artwork
such
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 as street art, and community initiatives often lack private sponsorship. Financial support from the national authority ensures the accessibility of cultural enrichment to all citizens and encourages the active involvement of creative people nationwide. Another justification is that funding from the
government
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 can provide a platform for emerging
artists
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, especially those with innovative or experimental approaches.
This
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 support can help nurture new talents and contribute to the evolution of artistic trends.
On the other hand
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, I side with those who believe that
artists
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 should fund their own projects.
Firstly
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, individual responsibility in terms of financial aspects can foster a sense of accountability and independence within the artistic community. When
artists
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 are compelled to take charge of their budget and income, they are more likely to carefully consider the viability and impact of their creations.
Moreover
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, relying on personal funding encourages
artists
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 to develop entrepreneurial skills, enabling them to navigate the complex landscape of the art market and sustain themselves financially in the long run. In conclusion, it seems that a nuanced approach is essential. The creative initiatives with a clear public impact appear well-suited for
government
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 backing
whereas
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 the ones undertaken for commercial purposes where
artists
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 seek financial independence are better left for individual responsibility.

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coherence cohesion
Be sure to develop your paragraphs with clear topic sentences and subsequent supporting sentences that expand on the main point.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., linking words, pronoun reference) to better connect ideas within and across sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
While both views are presented, the discussion would benefit from more specific examples to support arguments. Including real-world examples or referencing studies could enhance the response.
task achievement
Remember to directly address the task throughout the essay. While the essay currently offers an analytic discussion, the personal opinion should be more overtly stated to meet the requirements of the task.
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