IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, the numbers of juvenile crimes are increasing. What are the causes? How can parents and teachers help prevent youth crime?

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It can be assumed that youth are involved in
adults
Change the noun form
adult
show examples
 crimes. While life is developing in some cities, some individuals
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are committing
Correct your spelling
violence
violance
Correct your spelling
violence
. I am of the belief
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 culture and the surrounding people have an impact on
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
attitude
Fix the agreement mistake
attitudes
show examples
. The causes will be
Correct your spelling
discussed
discuessed
Correct your spelling
discussed
 in the
next
Linking Words
 lines.
To Embark on
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Embark
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, video
games
Use synonyms
 and
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 have affected many youth personalities.
In other words
Linking Words
, when young generations spend a long time playing war
games
Use synonyms
, they will be affected by the fights
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that
games
Use synonyms
. A prime example is Egypt, where a boy and a girl had thrown themselves from
window
Correct article usage
the window
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 after playing
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 blue whale.
Hence
Linking Words
, Not only do war actions can change some
people
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people's
show examples
 personalities but
also
Linking Words
 they can be more
susciadal
Correct your spelling
suicidal
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
parents
Add the comma(s)
,parents
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have to pay
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
 for
Correct your spelling
their
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 juveniles. To illustrate, if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young boys and girls will find their
parents
Use synonyms
 always around and checking about them, they will not be involved
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 any kind of problems.
For instance
Linking Words
, in upper Egypt,
Parents
Use synonyms
 are strict and never allow
Correct your spelling
children
chilren
Correct your spelling
children
 to repeat what they see
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 video
games
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, what can be said
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
gurdians
Correct your spelling
guardians
 have the most important role to correct the wrong attitude which the boys and girls can think about. In conclusion, after
this
Linking Words
 essay has shown the causes and how
parents
Use synonyms
 can help
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
safe
Replace the word
save
show examples
gamers
Change noun form
gamers'
gamer's
show examples
 life, it can be said that any harmful content in video
games
Use synonyms
 have to be banned.

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Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • juveniles
  • crime rate
  • parental supervision
  • guidance
  • peer pressure
  • negative social environment
  • violent media
  • video games
  • poverty
  • opportunities
  • education
  • vocational training
  • substance abuse
  • addiction
  • mental health
  • positive role models
  • community support
  • law enforcement
  • justice system
  • communication
  • trust
  • problem-solving
  • conflict resolution
  • sports
  • arts
  • constructive activities
  • education
  • awareness
  • consequences
  • criminal activities
  • mental health services
  • counseling programs
  • school environments
  • community organizations
  • rehabilitation programs
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