IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that exercise is the key to health while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #exercise #health #diet
Having a balance on our
diet
 and eating healthy
food
 is always good to keep our
body
 safe and strong
while
 some people believe exercising is the most important. In my opinion, our
body
 needs more
exercise
 and physical activities to stay healthy than a balanced
diet
 which you will read about
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in
this
 essay. On the one hand, groups of people think eating healthy with a
plan
Replace the word
planned
show examples
 and
balance
Wrong verb form
balanced
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
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diet
 is the main factor
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 having a healthy
body
. They believe, our
body
 can be safe and robust by only eating in the right way.
For example
, if someone has a plan for his
food
 and cares about his
food
 supplies, he will have a healthy
body
 for sure.
Therefore
, our
body
 needs to be fed in a good way to protect itself from microbes and viruses.
On the other hand
, others believe the key and starting point for having a healthy
body
 is to do
exercise
, which activities
such
 as sports can help our
body
 to create more and stronger muscles which will improve our
body
 state.
For instance
, people who are athletes will get sick less than others because doing sport is good for our safety system which does not allow strange viruses to come inside our bodies.
Also
,
exercise
 is helpful for our mental health
too
Rephrase
apply
show examples
, which all of our
body
 systems will improve together.
To conclude
, having the right
diet
 will help our
body
 to be healthy which using those good
food
 supplies, but what I say is, doing
exercise
 and activities is more important than what we eat.
Submitted by jaberi.mahyar on

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task response
The essay addresses both views but the position is not clearly established. The opinion should be presented in the introduction and supported throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion. The ideas are not logically organized, and the connection between them is weak.
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