Many people say that we now live in 'consumer societies' where money and possessions are given too much importance. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the midst of

this

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technology driven-global

Correct your spelling

technology-driven global

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world,most folks think that,as we all are living in the 21st century.

people

Use synonyms

are more

intended

Correct word choice

concerned

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about social

status

Use synonyms

and finance. I completely agree with the notion.

This

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essay will elucidate the viewpoint in the coming paragraph and illustrate the examples from my personal experience. Let's begin with the past decades, The peoples in the past generations

are

Wrong verb form

were

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very affectionate to their families and society and

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also

Rephrase

apply

show examples

they

don't

Wrong verb form

didn't

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need to get back something from

others

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if ,they

Wrong verb form

did

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some

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

helps

others

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.But these decades humans help

others

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for something

benefits

Replace the word

beneficial

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Change preposition

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return

back

Rephrase

apply

show examples

such

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as money or any publicity.Apparently, in front of the public , they help

others

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but in the

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

backend they

targeted

Wrong verb form

target

show examples

their exposure .

For example

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, in the

last

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few years back my home country

had

Verb problem

was

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affect

Change the verb form

affected

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by some natural disasters.

This

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time numerous organizations and individuals came forward to help those

people

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this

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situation.

But

Correct word choice

However

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I felt that someone in

this

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group has done some things for their socioeconomic

status

Use synonyms

That is

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,they need some publicity from

this

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news behind .

As a result

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, they have to get good advertisements for their business for their future success. As a

Remove the comma

apply

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result I thought that

people

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are changed a lot from past years to these decades From

this

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generation, Teenagers mostly prefer to maintain friendships with high social

status

Use synonyms

people

Use synonyms

Actually

Add a comma

Actually,

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we think

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

Why are they

following

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this

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tendency? Because of

this

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modernized world, young generations have given importance to money and economic

status

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Moreover

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, They thought ,If they

continue

Wrong verb form

continued

show examples

relationships with high-

status

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society

people

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then

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they have to earn something from it.

For instance

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Last

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year I visited one school for some survey-related work. I saw, that one student was sitting alone and he had no friends to play with or anything. I asked him what is the reason

Change the punctuation

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He told me that he came from a coastal area and his father is a fisherman. Because of that ,None of them

talks

Wrong verb form

talked

show examples

with that student. And

also

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surprised that he was the rank holder in that school at that time.

To conclude

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, Today's world gives more importance to wealth and high-rated social standards . They do not even think about family relations or anything . I completely agree with the viewpoint.

nimmyrajan007Sat Sep 03 2022

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Coherence and cohesion

Improve logical flow and structure of the essay for better coherence.

Coherence and cohesion

Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are more present and effectively fulfill their purpose.

Task achievement

Provide more comprehensive and relevant ideas in response to the task question.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

381 words

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Many people say that we now live in 'consumer societies' where money and possessions are given too much importance. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Word Count

Many students take part-time jobs while studying in universities. Do you think it is a good idea or a bad idea?

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers ahould be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe thay should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.