Many people say that we now live in 'consumer societies' where money and possessions are given too much importance. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the midst of
this
technology driven-global
world,most folks think that,as we all are living in the 21st century. Correct your spelling
technology-driven global
people
are more intended
about social Correct word choice
concerned
status
and finance. I completely agree with the notion. This
essay will elucidate the viewpoint in the coming paragraph and illustrate the examples from my personal experience.
Let's begin with the past decades, The peoples in the past generations are
very affectionate to their families and society and Wrong verb form
were
also
they Rephrase
apply
don't
need to get back something from Wrong verb form
didn't
others
if ,they do
Wrong verb form
did
some
helps Correct quantifier usage
apply
others
.But these decades humans help others
for something benefits
Replace the word
beneficial
to
return Change preposition
in
back
Rephrase
apply
such
as money or any publicity.Apparently, in front of the public , they help others
but in the ,
backend they Remove the comma
apply
targeted
their exposure . Wrong verb form
target
For example
, in the last
few years back my home country had
Verb problem
was
affect
by some natural disasters. Change the verb form
affected
This
time numerous organizations and individuals came forward to help those people
in this
situation. But
I felt that someone in Correct word choice
However
this
group has done some things for their socioeconomic status
.That is
,they need some publicity from this
news behind . As a result
, they have to get good advertisements for their business for their future success. As a ,
result I thought that Remove the comma
apply
people
are changed a lot from past years to these decades
From this
generation, Teenagers mostly prefer to maintain friendships with high social status
people
,Actually
we think Add a comma
Actually,
that
Why are they Correct word choice
apply
following
this
tendency? Because of this
modernized world, young generations have given importance to money and economic status
.Moreover
, They thought ,If they continue
relationships with high-Wrong verb form
continued
status
society people
, then
they have to earn something from it. For instance
, Last
year I visited one school for some survey-related work. I saw, that one student was sitting alone and he had no friends to play with or anything. I asked him what is the reason?
He told me that he came from a coastal area and his father is a fisherman. Because of that ,None of them Change the punctuation
.
talks
with that student. And Wrong verb form
talked
also
surprised that he was the rank holder in that school at that time.
To conclude
, Today's world gives more importance to wealth and high-rated social standards . They do not even think about family relations or anything . I completely agree with the viewpoint.Submitted by nimmyrajan007 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Coherence and cohesion
Improve logical flow and structure of the essay for better coherence.
Coherence and cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are more present and effectively fulfill their purpose.
Task achievement
Provide more comprehensive and relevant ideas in response to the task question.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.