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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

“Prevention is better than cure.” Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#“prevention #cure #country’s #health #budget #proportion #treatment #education #measures
Although
 It is a great idea to educate people about their healthcare and
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
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,
however
 spending a big part of
medical
Add an article
the medical
show examples
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
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 for
this
 purpose can be challenging for both
health
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healthcare
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care
 professionals and
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
. I disagree with the opinion of spending a big part of
money
 reserved for medical emergencies, on
health
education
.
Health
 Awareness is vital for a
Correct your spelling
healthy
helathy
Correct your spelling
healthy
 society ,but In my opinion
government
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the government
show examples
 should allocate a different fund for
this
,
instead
 of using
money
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical
funds
.
Furthermore
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,Furthermore
show examples
 public awareness can
we
Correct your spelling
be
show examples
Correct your spelling
possible
possibly
posible
Correct your spelling
possible
 even
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a very small budget,
for
example
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,example
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 social media can be used for
this
 purpose ,
also
health
care
 professionals can do it face to face during
patients
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patient
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 visits.
Lastly
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,Lastly
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 with the help of social
care
workers
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,workers
show examples
this
 task can be achieved. All of these can be done
witout
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without
speding
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spending
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
lot
 of medical from treatment
funds
. Considering
current
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the current
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situation
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situations
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 like
global
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the global
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 pandemic
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government
govrnment
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government
 should be
mimdfull
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mindful
about
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of
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 the
money
 allocated for medical usage.
Its
Replace the word
It's
It is
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 really important to have enough resources in case of an emergency. And
this
 can only be possible if the
money
 is spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 treatment
Correct your spelling
instead
instesd
Correct your spelling
instead
 of,
health
education
. There is no doubt that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the utmost priority should be
health
care
 .And
this
 can only be achieved if, there are enough
funds
 for
this
 purpose. Spending a bigger chunk of
money
 on
health
education
, from medical
funds
 can hamper the utmost goal. In the
end
Add a comma
,end
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 would like to say that both,
health
education
 and
health
care
 are important for a healthy and happy society,
however
 medical treatment is a necessity and should
be get
Change the verb form
get
show examples
 priority over
health
 awareness.
Submitted by nidhis1208 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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