IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many countries are experiencing population growth and need more homes.Some people think that new homes should be constructed in existing cities. Do you agree or disagree.

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It is true that a high rate of population has become a major concern in many countries these days.
Although
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 in
this
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 section people have different views about building new constructions should take place in rural areas,
while
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 others believe that it is good to use existing cities for making residential buildings.
However
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, I would agree with
this
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 that new houses should be built in my countryside as it will help in rural development and will be beneficial for the city environment
also
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.
Firstly
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, it will open new methods of employment for the rural public.
Additionally
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, new schools, hospitals, recreation centres and industries will be built there, which in turn will a large workforce to do the work.
Similarly
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, an increased residency in any area will encourage the government to provide improved facilities
such
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 as better roads and universities.
On the other hand
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, building new apartments in existing urban operations will spread a sustainable impact throughout the city environment like traffic on the roads.
For example
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, using extreme vehicles will lead to air pollution
as well as
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 traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
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 during peak hours.
Moreover
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,
due to
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 lack of space government authorities may have to collapse gardens and parks in order to provide more homes.
For instance
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, activities of people will rely on electronic devices and reduce the public daily curriculum. In conclusion,
It is clear that
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 providing more residential facilities in the countryside will aid in the
overall
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 development of the rural space in various ways.
Nevertheless
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, I strongly believe that building new houses in rural areas will outweigh the drawbacks compared to its benefits.

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Overall
Provide a clearer introduction that presents a clear opinion and previews the main points. Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and transitions smoothly to the next one. Avoid the use of vague pronouns and use cohesive devices such as transition words and linking phrases to improve coherence and cohesion.
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