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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many elderly are no long looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages

#families #care #homes
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These days, a lot of senior citizens are placed in old age
homes
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of being taken
care
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by
Change preposition
of by
show examples
 their family members.
This
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 essay will discuss
merits
Correct article usage
the merits
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 and demerits of
this
Linking Words
 trend.
Firstly
Linking Words
, sending
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 to nursing
homes
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 and
care
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 home is advantageous for their
families
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 because they are relieved from the burden of their elders’ medical
care
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. These centres are well equipped and know how to deal with the needs of the elderly as well as
reacting
Wrong verb form
react
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 appropriately in case of any emergency.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
families
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 of these old
people
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 are rarely trained and not equipped with knowledge in case any mishap occurs.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it is beneficial for senior
people
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 as well because they do not feel unwanted and left out at home. When they are placed in retirement
homes
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 they get a chance to socialise themselves with other
people
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 of their age group. A crucial downside to putting elder members of
families
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 in
care
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homes
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 or nursing
homes
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 is that children in those
families
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 lack traditional and moral values. Nowadays, both parents are working, and they do not have
ample
Correct article usage
an ample
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 amount of time to spend with their children and impart
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to them
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them
Change the pronoun
their
show examples
 knowledge about good and bad behaviour. Grandparents not only play an instrumental role to pass down the knowledge of one’s family traditions and cultures to their grandparents but they
also
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 make them learn the basic principles of mankind.
Also
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, peoples’
life
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lives
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become
Change the verb form
becomes
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 more struggling because they remain deprived of the support which elder
people
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 of a
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 can provide in their
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
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day –to-day
Correct your spelling
day–to–day
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 life. As per a survey in India, all 8 out of 10
families
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 where elders are living
along
Correct your spelling
alone
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 are spending a more relaxed and happy life than those where elders are not staying with. In conclusion, while
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation is free from the worries of their elder
peoples’
Change noun form
people’s
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 medical
care
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 trend
also
Linking Words
 has a negative impact on grandchildren’s rearing and
everyday
Correct article usage
the everyday
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 lives of
current
Add an article
the current
show examples
 generation.
Submitted by anju95verma on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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