IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that children should be taught from a young age how to handle money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#believe #children #age #money
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There are people who believe that handling cash should be taught when they were young. In my opinion, teaching
children
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 how to spend
money
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 is the way that makes them
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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more mature and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 them avoid problems in their
future
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. One of the reasons
for
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apply
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why
i
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I
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 support the idea of giving
children
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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money
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, despite the fact that giving
children
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money
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 may
contains
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contain
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 possible issues
such
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 as they may be involved in crimes like being robbed or
stolen
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stealing
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the
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apply
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money
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, those still can be solved by teaching them the way to react when dealing with possible problems that may happen in both present and
future
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, so that will give
experience
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the experience
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 to overcome the following challenges.
For example
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, when it comes to a student whose graduation is coming near, he or she may
has
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have
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 to deal with many problems in the
future
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such
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 as being married and spending
money
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 on many projects or personal life and demand or saving the
money
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 which may not be taught at schools but their
parents
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 who have many experiences that have been saved for years. Another reason for my opinion, not only helping
children
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 prepare for the
future
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 but
also
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teach
Wrong verb form
teaching
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 them the value of cash and being
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
.
This
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 is because
money
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 is not always available to gain
it
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apply
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for free like what
parents
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 do for their
children
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 but they have to work hard to achieve it.
Consequently
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,
children
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 will teach themselves lessons
of
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about
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 how valuable
the
Correct article usage
apply
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money
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 and being hardworking is and
also
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 form a saving habit to support themselves and their
parents
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.
For example
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,
children
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 in Asia are taught to open
a
Correct article usage
apply
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small
shops
Correct the article-noun agreement
shop
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 that
sells
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sell
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their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
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 that are not in use or juices and
parents
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 will let them spend their earned
money
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 to buy whatever they choose to buy and their
parents
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 will help them sort out the unnecessary items,
this
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 may help them gain more knowledge of what they should buy or not. In conclusion, some
Correct your spelling
individuals
indiviuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
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 that helping the little ones manage their
money
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. I believe that teaching
children
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 the importance of handling funds effectively will provide them
the
Add the preposition
with the
show examples
 knowledge in managing funds as well as the value of
money
Use synonyms
Submitted by thanhthanh0374051667 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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