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Band 5

The dangers of smoking are well known, yet many people continue with this habit. What are the causes of this? How can we reduce smoking in society? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#dangers #people #habit #society
To begin
 with, the harmful effects of smoking are well known,
nevertheless
Add a comma
,nevertheless
show examples
 many
people
 still
smoke
. İ will explain why
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 keep going to
smoke
 and how to decrease the number of smoking
people
 in the community. Let us refer to the harmful effects of smoking, it leads to too much CO gas
to pass
Change the verb form
passing
show examples
 into the blood.
Thus
, it causes various diseases.
Moreover
, İt prevents sports with insufficient oxygen. Not to mention,
people
 are paying a lot of money for cigarettes. It is more expensive than essential food. Harmful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the economy. Smoking
people
 have to sit in an open area all the
time
 even in winter and it accounts for
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 smell.
Hence
,
people
 have less sociability.
İ
Correct pronoun usage
I
show examples
 think the reason
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
people
 keep going to
smoke
, feeling relaxed even for a short
time
 and it takes a long
time
 to see the negative results of smoking.
For example
,
People
 know that smoking causes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
disease but they do not feel bad in a short
time
 because smoking makes
people
 sick over the years. Fortunately, My uncle had been smoking for 20 years and he didn’t care about the pain in his leg. Now he has one leg and is very regretful. İf
people
 get more health checks, they can notice it is dangerous for
health
Correct pronoun usage
their health
show examples
. % 35 of athletes start smoking at the end of their career because of psychological problems and they think that they don't need a healthy body anymore.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 Gedson Fernandes was once the best player in Portugal but now he can not walk without help and still smokes. When
people
 do not have a hobby, they get bored.
Furthermore
, they turn to things like cigarettes and alcohol. We have to make fun habits.
People
 give a lot of money to cigarettes but they do not do that suddenly. So they can not understand the
harmful
Replace the word
harm
show examples
 of smoking to
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
. İn my country the government's measure for smoking increases the cigarette tax.
As a result
, most
people
 do not
smoke
 anymore. Smoking
people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 bad smell and they are spending
smoke
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
around.
Hence
, nobody wants to hang out with them. İf
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smoking
people
 know that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they would have to choose between smoking and socializing. İn conclusion, everybody knows the results of smoking but they need a long
time
 to see these. İf we demonstrate the negative results before it's too late, they would abandon
this
 bad habit.
Submitted by emrekaanozkan01 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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