IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Reports show that it is increasingly expensive to keep museums open to the public. Explain why museums should be kept. What is the best way to fund them? (Government, business, individual)

Over the past decades, the existence of
museums
Use synonyms
 has never ceased to draw public attention. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss the reason for the maintenance of
museums
Use synonyms
 and suggest the optimal way of doing it.
To begin
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 with, it is true that
museums
Use synonyms
 play a pivotal role in preserving indigenous culture. Specifically, they may be the only institutions which acquire and research historical items, conserving them for historical
cultural
Correct word choice
and cultural
show examples
 values.
For example
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, the Louvre
museum
Capitalize word
Museum
show examples
 is the prominent organisation responsible for protecting historical relics
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
as well as
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 artefacts and artworks in France.
Therefore
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, refusal to finance
museums
Use synonyms
 can be regarded as both an inappropriate action and an evasion of the obligation of cultural protection. The involvement of patrons in maintaining
museums
Use synonyms
 is instrumental. The opponents may argue that businessmen are profit-oriented and only spend money on fields that hit frequent headlines,
thus
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 probably resulting in unbalanced development of fields.
Nonetheless
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, they are ignorant of the fact that a deficient monetary resource may prevent governments from funding public
museums
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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,
while
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 authorities are on a tight budget, fiscal money should be distributed carefully and thoughtfully to healthcare and education.
Hence
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, the intervention of
donators
Correct your spelling
donors
show examples
 and organisations could be complementary to governments. In conclusion, I am convinced that the collaboration of both lawmakers and the private sector is the every-inch solution to the given problem. Not only do local governments hold the obligation for cultural protection but
also
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 the participation of patrons contributes to the compensation of budget deficiency.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument for the importance of museums and offers a reasonable solution for their funding. To enhance your score, consider providing more detailed examples that clearly illustrate your points.
coherence and cohesion
Although your essay is logically structured, the flow between some points could be improved. Consider using more linking words or phrases to create smoother transitions between your ideas, which would strengthen the cohesion of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and your intention to discuss two main aspects, which is an effective way to engage the reader.
task achievement
You provide a strong argument for the role of museums in preserving culture, showcasing a deep understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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