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Writing Samples
Band 6

Most societies have homeless people. Some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money. To what extent do you agree?

#societies #people #money
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Despite the fact that we consider ourselves as a quite developed and modern
society
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, the problem of homeless
people
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 appears up to now. Some
people
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 believe that monetary help is the best way to
support
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 bums.
However
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, I opine that we should help by providing moral
support
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, education, skill development and utmost in providing employment.
First
Linking Words
 of all, after the industrial revolution
society
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 faced an enormous gap between wealthy / affluent / well-off and impoverished
people
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. Wealth became directly connected to technologies. To socialize and have sustainable living modern humans should have a set of hard skills.
Secondly
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, money is only a temporary solution for homeless
people
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. Constant financial
support
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 from the government can decrease the willingness to search for a job and provoke addictions.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it can raise intolerance
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 destitute
people
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, because/ as / since
society
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 supports them through taxes.
Instead
Linking Words
, we should find reliable help that can provide permanent and
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 solutions.  There are many proven
support
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 models that exist if we wish to back them and as a whole, we can make a stronger and better
society
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 and the world.
For example
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, we should/ ought to focus on boosting their mental health and help to develop hard and soft skills.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, to address their immediate needs, we should provide food, proper clothes, shelter and health care.
Lastly
Linking Words
, we should provide education,
skills
Correct word choice
and skills
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 development programs and help them to provide employment which can lead to living ethically and keeping their heads high.  To summarize, we all can make a better
society
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 if we put some thoughtful consideration, programs and backing models in place.
Submitted by karolina.solyar on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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