IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think that the environment may be destroyed because of tourism. Others, however, believe that it is a way to preserve nature. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is a contentious issue, whether tourism brings destruction to the ecosystem or it is a gesture of prevention. I agree with the latter notion that travellers generate wealth for the maintenance of sites and locale.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elucidate both perspectives in the upcoming paragraphs
along with
Linking Words
 my own point of view.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, tourist attractions deal with the large volume of travellers daily which leads to the high usage of natural resources. So
this
Linking Words
 is the primary reason for environmental destruction which includes depletion of organic wealth and disturbing the balance of natural resources of the habitat. To cite an example, an article in "Toronto Star" written by Editor-in-Chief Mrs. Devis on "Journeys And Natural The Destruction" in 2022, has been stated that the local area of Niagra Falls needs 30% more drinking
due to
Linking Words
 the substantial footprints of explorers.
Hence
Linking Words
, excursions are the cause of disharmony in the balance of natural sources of earth.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people tend to believe that globe-trotting is one of the best ways to generate economic wealth which can be utilised for the betterment of the environment . To be more specific, if there are enormous tourists at holidaymaking places
then
Linking Words
 there will be more demand for basic stuff like food, clothes and accommodation.
Therefore
Linking Words
, services will be provided by both public and private sectors which boost the finances of the particular state and they can be used for the development and maintenance programmes of the local surroundings.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey done by BBC in India about environment preservation revealed that 8 out of 10 ecological projects need no extra cost from the government as they generate revenue from tourism. Ultimately, it can be said that vacationing helps to improve the climatic conditions
instead
Linking Words
 of damaging them.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
together with
Linking Words
 my personal opinion, it can be asserted that,
although
Linking Words
 excursionists consume natural resources of the historical destinations the revenue generated from them is way more beneficial for ecosystem protection. Undoubtedly, environmental dismantling is a matter of grave concern it does not have any deep association with tourism.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear and distinct point. While the essay was well-structured, one of the paragraphs had two main points that could have been separated for clarity.
coherence
Try to vary your vocabulary when referring to the same concept multiple times to avoid repetition.
cohesion
Strengthen the introduction by providing more context about why this is a contentious issue. This will help immediately capture the reader's interest and set the tone.
task achievement
Try to ensure your supporting examples are balanced in terms of detail and relevance. While the examples provided were relevant, they were more detailed in some parts than others.
coherence
The essay provides a clear structure with a well-defined introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
cohesion
The conclusion effectively paraphrases the main points and delivers a strong closing statement.
task achievement
The use of specific examples helps to strengthen the arguments made in the essay.
task achievement
The essay covers both viewpoints thoroughly and provides a personal opinion, making for a well-rounded discussion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: