IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

A lot of people have become dependent on technology as it plays a big role in our daily lives. Do you agree that living in computer age has more advantages than disadvantages? Describe the positive and negative impacts of technology on our lives and give your opinion.

#people #technology #role #lives #computer #age #impacts
It is undeniable that the advancement of
technology
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
developed significantly nowadays, and it plays an essential role in our daily lives. From my point of view, it provides both benefits and drawbacks, described in the following paragraphs. There are various advantages
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the development of
technology
,
whatever
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 personal,
education
Replace the word
educational
show examples
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 business.
First
 of all, using social media helps
people
 extend their relationships.
For example
, they can use online platforms like Facebook and Instagram to find new friends or
people
 who have the same interests.
Also
, they can relieve updated news and information from many media sources.
Secondly
, it benefits pupils in terms of education. Students can learn anywhere today. To illustrate, they had to stay at home since the pandemic of Covid 19, learning through educational applications allows them to continue learning without going to school.
Finally
,
people
 can run a business globally without travelling.
For instance
, they can make a video conference which is similar to face-to-face in order to keep in touch with their partners.
However
, it
also
 offers drawbacks.
As a result
 of its convenience,
people
 tend to pay less attention to their
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
 relationships. Some children might focus too much on
technology
such
 as playing on computers which can isolate them from society.
Moreover
, some
technology
 like smart programs makes
people
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
lazy.
For example
, pupils usually use a calculator
instead
 of thinking by themselves. In conclusion, I strongly agree that the advantages of
technology
 outweigh the disadvantages, but it
also
 offers some serious impacts if we use it in the wrong ways.
Submitted by ariyabiebl2608 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • dependent on technology
  • digital platforms
  • instant communication
  • automation
  • advanced software solutions
  • access to information
  • educational resources
  • screen time
  • health issues
  • eye strain
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • privacy concerns
  • cybersecurity threats
  • identity theft
  • data breaches
  • overreliance
  • face-to-face social interactions
  • social skills
  • isolation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: