IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

You are soon going to spend three months doing work experience in an organisation. Write a letter to the manager of the organisation where you are going to do work experience. In your letter thank the manager for the opportunity to do work experience explain what you hope to learn from the work experience ask some questions about the work experience you are going to do

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Dear Sir or Madam, I am excited to be starting work experience at the RRN Broadcasting Corporation on 10 June and I would like to thank you very much for
this
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 opportunity. I am grateful to have the chance to gain some insight into the industry I wish to work in one day. As I mentioned in my interview, I am especially interested in community television and would love to build on my skills in sound engineering.
Besides
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this
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, I am hoping to develop my soft skills in areas
such
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 as teamwork,
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
 and effective communication. I was wondering if it has been decided which team I will be working with and whether I will have a mentor assigned to me. I would like to prepare ahead of time if possible by doing some research. I
also
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 wanted to clarify whether I will be at the studio in Newtown or the headquarters in the city centre. I am looking forward to hearing from you. Kind regards

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task achievement
The letter is overall very well-written, but it could benefit from a more detailed explanation of how the applicant hopes to achieve specific learning goals related to sound engineering and soft skills development. Adding a specific example or a bit more detail could provide a fuller response.
coherence cohesion
While the letter is generally cohesive, the transition between the second and third paragraphs could be smoother. For instance, a sentence summarizing the applicant's enthusiasm at the end of the second paragraph could help bridge to the questions in paragraph three.
greeting and closing
The greeting and closing are very polite and professional, which is excellent for this type of letter.
single idea per paragraph
Each paragraph maintains a single, clear idea, contributing to the overall clarity and readability of the letter.
logical structure
The logical structure is well executed; the letter starts with a clear thank you, moves on to the applicant's learning goals, and ends with pertinent questions.
suitable writing tone
The tone of the letter is appropriate and professional, reflecting a suitable level of formality for a letter to a manager.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • appreciative
  • hands-on experience
  • skill enhancement
  • networking opportunities
  • mentorship
  • organisational structure
  • company ethos
  • onboarding process
  • professional development
  • collaborative environment
  • shadowing
  • logistics
  • corporate attire
  • reporting hierarchy
  • team dynamics
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