IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Advertisements cause more harm than benefit both to individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#advertisements #harm #benefit #individuals #society
It is sometimes argued that both individuals and society are influenced by
advertisements
 and are suffered some problems. I generally agree with
this
 claim because companies overstate their
products
 or service to make customers buy or use their things.
These action
Change the determiner
This action
These actions
show examples
 stimulate people's impulsive buying and cause offences. One of the positive
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of advertising is economic growth. Companies use numerous methods when they make their
advertisements
 look well. People tend to be affected by
advertisements
 and buy better
products
 than they already have.
Therefore
, advertising spurs economical activities and leads to economic growth.
On the other hand
, one of the negative effects of
advertisements
 is impulsive buying. The recent technological developments have allowed us to buy online regardless of time and location. These developments seem to be good for us, but these technological advancements make us buy goods even though we already had
a
Correct article usage
apply
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similar
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of
products
.
Similarly
, the invention of SNS
also
expose
Change the verb form
exposes
show examples
 us to numerous
advertisements
 and chances to buy something. Another negative aspect of
advertisements
 is
bad
Correct pronoun usage
their bad
show examples
 influence on children. Recent
advertisements
especially on the internet
Add the comma(s)
, especially on the internet,
show examples
 think highly
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult or
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
. When we watch these movies, there is an age restriction, but the governments can't set
legulation
Correct your spelling
regulations
regulation
 for
advertisements
. These
advertisements
 stimulate children's curiosity and some children violate the rules to watch these videos. In conclusion, while
advertisements
 work positively in some aspects, they
also
 have dangerous points, including encouraging us to buy unnecessary
products
 and to get involved with criminal problems.
Hence
, I believe the drawbacks are greater than the good points.
Submitted by banbenyizhen0 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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