IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Advertisements cause more harm than benefit both to individuals and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#advertisements #harm #benefit #individuals #society
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It is sometimes argued that both individuals and society are influenced by
advertisements
Use synonyms
 and are suffered some problems. I generally agree with
this
Linking Words
 claim because companies overstate their
products
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 or service to make customers buy or use their things.
These action
Change the determiner
This action
These actions
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 stimulate people's impulsive buying and cause offences. One of the positive
point
Change to a plural noun
points
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 of advertising is economic growth. Companies use numerous methods when they make their
advertisements
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 look well. People tend to be affected by
advertisements
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 and buy better
products
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 than they already have.
Therefore
Linking Words
, advertising spurs economical activities and leads to economic growth.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, one of the negative effects of
advertisements
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 is impulsive buying. The recent technological developments have allowed us to buy online regardless of time and location. These developments seem to be good for us, but these technological advancements make us buy goods even though we already had
a
Correct article usage
apply
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similar
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of
products
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.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the invention of SNS
also
Linking Words
expose
Change the verb form
exposes
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 us to numerous
advertisements
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 and chances to buy something. Another negative aspect of
advertisements
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 is
bad
Correct pronoun usage
their bad
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 influence on children. Recent
advertisements
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especially on the internet
Add the comma(s)
, especially on the internet,
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 think highly
on
Change preposition
of
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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adult or
violence
Replace the word
violent
show examples
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
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. When we watch these movies, there is an age restriction, but the governments can't set
legulation
Correct your spelling
regulations
regulation
 for
advertisements
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. These
advertisements
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 stimulate children's curiosity and some children violate the rules to watch these videos. In conclusion, while
advertisements
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 work positively in some aspects, they
also
Linking Words
 have dangerous points, including encouraging us to buy unnecessary
products
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 and to get involved with criminal problems.
Hence
Linking Words
, I believe the drawbacks are greater than the good points.
Submitted by banbenyizhen0 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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