IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is important for people to take risk, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risk #lives #risks
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is essential for
people
Use synonyms
 to take
risks
Use synonyms
 in their both professional and personal lives, which has some benefits and downwards. In my opinion, the advantages of taking
risks
Use synonyms
 outweigh the disadvantages and I will explain my reasons in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Firstly
Linking Words
, taking
risks
Use synonyms
 enables you to meet new opportunities in your life and you will face many Challenges that are pivotal to becoming successful.
For instance
Linking Words
,one of my friends who
live
Correct subject-verb agreement
lives
show examples
 in Iran got a job offer from a German company. He spent all his savings and allocated a large amount of his time to learning the German language.He quit his job and migrated to Germany and now, he is quite satisfied with it. If
people
Use synonyms
 aren't able to take
risks
Use synonyms
, they will always be in the same position and will never make progress in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,lots of successful
people
Use synonyms
 have achieved their goals by taking
risks
Use synonyms
 in their lives.
Linking Words
for
Capitalize word
For
show examples
 instance, Steve Jobs risked losing his company introducing Apple to the market or Bill Gates risked quitting university to start his own business. most of the successful are
risk takers
Add a hyphen
risk-takers
show examples
 who
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 capable of working under pressure and stressful conditions to pursue their dreams,
while
Linking Words
 others who can not bear taking
risks
Use synonyms
, usually work for other
people
Use synonyms
, and remain simple workers. one the other hand, there are some drawbacks to
takings
Correct your spelling
taking
show examples
risks
Use synonyms
 in some areas.
for example
Linking Words
,you have seen a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 who have lost an enormous amount of money on financial markets like forex or Crypto. In conclusion, despite losing money in some areas
due to
Linking Words
 taking
risks
Use synonyms
, I think that if risk-taking is managed in a good way, it can be quite beneficial and the ability to take
risks
Use synonyms
 helps
people
Use synonyms
 succeed in their life.
Submitted by n1ma.mohammadi1376 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

improve writing
There are some grammatical errors and improper capitalizations. Proofread the essay for any errors to improve readability.
improve clarity
The examples provided could be more directly tied to the point they are supporting. Make the connection between the example and point more explicit.
improve content
Some more substantial concrete examples for the drawbacks of taking risks could be useful to balance the argument.
improve structure
Avoid abrupt ending to paragraphs. The paragraphs mainly end abruptly and do not have concluding sentences.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: