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Writing Samples
Band 6

It is important for people to take risk, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
It is essential for
people
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 to take
risks
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 in their both professional and personal lives, which has some benefits and downwards. In my opinion, the advantages of taking
risks
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 outweigh the disadvantages and I will explain my reasons in
this
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 essay.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, taking
risks
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 enables you to meet new opportunities in your life and you will face many Challenges that are pivotal to becoming successful.
For instance
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,one of my friends who
live
Correct subject-verb agreement
lives
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 in Iran got a job offer from a German company. He spent all his savings and allocated a large amount of his time to learning the German language.He quit his
Body paragraph 2
job and migrated to Germany and now, he is quite satisfied with it. If
people
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 aren't able to take
risks
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, they will always be in the same position and will never make progress in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
Body paragraph 3
Moreover
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,lots of successful
people
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 have achieved their goals by taking
risks
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 in their lives.
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for
Capitalize word
For
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 instance, Steve Jobs risked losing his company introducing Apple to the market or Bill Gates risked quitting university to start his own business.
Body paragraph 4
most of the successful are
risk takers
Add a hyphen
risk-takers
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 who
were
Wrong verb form
are
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 capable of working under pressure and stressful conditions to pursue their dreams,
while
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 others who can not bear taking
risks
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, usually work for other
Body paragraph 5
people
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, and remain simple workers.
Body paragraph 6
one the other hand, there are some drawbacks to
takings
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taking
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risks
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 in some areas.
for example
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,you have seen a lot of
people
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 who have lost an enormous amount of money on financial markets like forex or Crypto.
Conclusion
In conclusion, despite losing money in some areas
due to
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 taking
risks
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, I think that if risk-taking is managed in a good way, it can be quite beneficial and the ability to take
risks
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 helps
people
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 succeed in their life.

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improve writing
There are some grammatical errors and improper capitalizations. Proofread the essay for any errors to improve readability.
improve clarity
The examples provided could be more directly tied to the point they are supporting. Make the connection between the example and point more explicit.
improve content
Some more substantial concrete examples for the drawbacks of taking risks could be useful to balance the argument.
improve structure
Avoid abrupt ending to paragraphs. The paragraphs mainly end abruptly and do not have concluding sentences.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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