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Writing Samples
Band 7

The two given pie charts give information about the remote shopping revenue earned for area of retail in Canada in two years 2005 and 2010.

The two given pie charts give information about the remote shopping revenue earned for area of retail in Canada in two years 2005 and 2010.
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The two given pie charts give information about the remote shopping revenue earned for
area
Add an article
the area
an area
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 of retail in Canada in
two
Correct article usage
the two
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 years 2005 and 2010. In general,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 Electronics and Appliances are purchased most and stood at the bottom
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 video games in 2005. Meanwhile, in 2010, Food and Beverage became the best seller among
four
Correct article usage
the four
show examples
 sectors whilst the figure for
Home
Use synonyms
 Furnishings hit the lowest point throughout the examined period. In 2005, the percentage of revenue earned on Electronics and Appliances stood at 35% and became top of the chart. With 10% lower, the proportion of
Home
Use synonyms
 Furnishings was the second highest area of online sales.
In addition
Linking Words
, both Electronics & Appliance and
Home
Use synonyms
 Furnishings witnessed a slight decrease to 30% and 15% respectively in the course of 5 years starting from 2005. Stood at 18%, the percentage of
profit
Add an article
the profit
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of
Change preposition
from
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 Video Games hit the lowest point of the retail sectors examined in 2005. After 5 years, the rate of Video Games profit increased negligibly by 5% and surpassed
Home
Use synonyms
 Furnishing at third place.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 similar pattern was seen in Food and Beverage which rose significantly by 10% from 22% to become the best-selling field in 2010.
Submitted by ngocanhpham18ulis on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words home with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "give" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "examined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stood" was used 3 times.
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