IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You recently bought an item online. When it was delivered you found that the item did not work correctly. Write a letter to the manager of the company. In your letter, • Describe the item and the problem with it • Explain why the item is important for you • Say what you want the manager to do You do NOT need to write any addresses. Begin your letter as follows: Dear Sir or Madam,

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My name is Anastassia, I recently bought a new laptop - Asus a-350, serial number as-35022, order number 132654. I received it today in the morning, but I recognised that it doesn't have a Windows
system
Use synonyms
,
as well as
Linking Words
 the Office
system
Use synonyms
, despite the huge amount of money, which has been paid for it. My university studies will start in a few days, and I desperately need
this
Linking Words
 laptop working.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, without the Windows
system
Use synonyms
, I do have not any possibility of starting
this
Linking Words
 year. So, I think it'll be fair if you
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
organise the free laptop pick up from my home, settle the
system
Use synonyms
, and drop it off
during
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2-3 days. I'll be very grateful. Looking forward to hearing from you. Best regards. Anastassia.

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task achievement
Provide a more detailed explanation of the issue. Instead of saying the laptop 'doesn't have a Windows system,' you could specify whether it is missing the operating system entirely or if there is another issue.
coherence cohesion
The text could benefit from a brief introductory sentence to set the context before diving into the specifics about the product and issue.
task achievement
You clearly explained the importance of the item to you, relating it to your urgent need for university studies.
suitable writing tone
The tone is polite and suitable for a formal letter to a manager.
logical structure
The letter flows well, starting from the problem, moving on to the impact, and concluding with a request for action.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • purchase
  • non-functional
  • malfunctioning
  • refund
  • replacement
  • repair services
  • model
  • affecting
  • intended use
  • describe
  • delivered
  • online order
  • customer satisfaction
  • inconvenience
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