IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measure can be taken to tackle this problem?

#offenders #crimes #first #punishment #measure
It is undoubtedly correct that villains are inclined to do more harmful actions after experiencing their initial penalty. There could be numerous reasons for
this
 phenomenon,
,
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however
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,however
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 I believe that the main cause belongs to the less commitment from authorities to give
such
 a deterrence effect for villains. There are several arguments why criminals tend to increase their violation actions right after getting released from jail.
First
, most villains might think that sentences given by authorities are too light, resulting in less fear experienced by them inside the prison.
For example
, many people are sentenced to only a year of imprisonment after doing crimes that should actually be granted ten years of jail punishment.
As a result
 of
this
, many of them may not care about continuing wickedness and even increasing the number of their criminal actions. Another reason why criminals are inclined to be wicked after facing imprisonment is due to the lack of security measures provided by governments in order to prevent the same crimes that have occurred before.
For instance
, a former prisoner might do shop bribery again because of the incapability of governments to ensure the security system in the public area. In my view, those aforementioned phenomena should be a critical consideration by governments, especially in evaluating their policies in reducing crimes. There are two critical policies that should be established promptly by the government. The
first
 is the policy related to the revision of punishment sentences that should be more just and aligned with the severity of the aftermath caused by any particular crime. The
second
 is the policy to improve governments’ capability in ensuring the safety of their citizens when using the public sphere. In conclusion, I deeply believe that the revision of some regulations can help to make a bigger deterrence effect to criminals.
Submitted by albertjehoshua on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation
  • reintegration
  • stigma
  • ex-offender
  • criminal behavior
  • economic necessity
  • substance abuse
  • restorative justice
  • social network
  • supervision
  • monitoring programs
  • deter
  • incarceration
  • felon
  • crime prevention strategies
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