Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is argued that leisure activities have to be complex to be amusing.

However

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this

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essay will disagree with the said statement. I believe that hobbies are chosen for their calming benefits

as well as

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a necessity for not challenging activities in order to leave their routine. On the one hand, when selecting a leisure activity, individuals typically prioritize enjoyment and relaxation over the level of difficulty.

Furthermore

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, individuals decide on their hobby on how enjoyable it is and its simplicity since they have a need for relaxation, a need for a distraction from their busy lifestyle.

For instance

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, 50 % of the Spanish workforce usually decide to enjoy simple activities outside as a way to decompress from their hectic lives, and 30% of the previous proportion work in the medical industry. Everyone,

on the other hand

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, is under pressure whether it is a student, an employee or a businessman.

Therefore

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, a mind-twisting, complicated and tiring activity is not going to help the human to be relaxed after a hectic day. Even worse, it can tire people more and decline their performance at their actual job.

For example

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, the University of Warwick’s survey in 2023 has proven that when an occupied individual plays an extreme sport

such

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as parachuting, their work capacity decreases by 25% every three months after starting the hobby. In conclusion, for a vast part of the population and myself, enjoyable hobbies are not always complex. People would rather choose a certain activity for its calming benefits and as a way to break from their everyday life.

santos_dijWed Jul 12 2023

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task achievement

Provide a clearer introduction by paraphrasing the essay prompt and clearly state your position within the introduction.

task achievement

Ensure you have a clear thesis statement that outlines the main points to be discussed in the essay.

task achievement

Enhance the conclusion by restating your viewpoint more clearly and summarizing the main points discussed in the essay.

coherence cohesion

Use a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.

coherence cohesion

Organize ideas into clear paragraphs, each starting with a topic sentence that directly relates to the thesis introduced in the first paragraph.

coherence cohesion

Develop paragraphs by including explanations of how the examples support the main idea, not just stating the examples themselves.

9
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

260 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

unique challenge
personal growth
mastery
accomplishment
demanding
thrill of achievement
pastimes
fostering
sense of community
mindfulness
stress relief
mental break
daily stressors

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