IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think travelling abroad is a valuable experience for young people. Others think it wastes too much time and expense. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #wastes #time #expense
Today in the world of
people
 who seek the new place
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 travel. The juvenile
people
 who love to
travelling
Change the form of the verb
travel
show examples
 outside their own
Correct your spelling
countries
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
 for more way memories. While others suppose that they can
lost
Change the verb form
lose
be lost
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money and spend more
time
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. I would argue that juniors should go outside to find the other world
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their own way. On one hand, the travelling of young
people
 going to other countries explore their
life
 value
time
.
Firstly
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
these
Correct your spelling
there
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
life
Add an article
the life
show examples
 age range to learn something new.
Moreover
, when they meet
people
 or new
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
 different from they live that might give some inspiration back.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 new
Correct your spelling
experience
expirence
Correct your spelling
experiences
 with foods which they try once at the local restaurant will
Correct your spelling
inspire
inspirate
Correct your spelling
inspire
 and north them to be a chef. While other
lauguage
Correct your spelling
language
 could attract them to be
interesed
Correct your spelling
interested
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 studying diplomacy.
On the other hand
,
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 travelling may
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 big problem
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
. When
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 outside everything are the cost.
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
 some young
people
 choose to stop their student
life
 when they have gone outside and have trapped from the
temtation
Correct your spelling
temptation
 which they got and can
lost
Change the verb form
lose
be lost
show examples
 the
time
 to treat
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 health form injured they got. For
stant
Add a comma
,stant
show examples
 some
people
 stay in the hospital between
Add an article
the trip
show examples
trip
Fix the agreement mistake
trips
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food poisoning and
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some
people
 may
Correct your spelling
move out
show examples
moveout
Correct your spelling
move out
show examples
 and get married
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the rural girl
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
 they met. In conclusion, even going to
forieng
Correct your spelling
foreign
contries
Correct your spelling
countries
 can
lost
Change the verb form
lose
be lost
show examples
time
 and money but in my opinion, I
suppost
Correct your spelling
suppose
support
 that these more positive to make
Correct your spelling
their
thier
Correct your spelling
their
life
 experience that can not replace by anything
Submitted by vanil on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: