IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Should International news be kept as a subject in secondary school. Discuss both sides.

#news #school
Currently, International news
will be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 what aids
to update
Change preposition
in updating
show examples
 anything happening in the world.
As a result
, it should be added to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
secondary school
as
Change preposition
so
show examples
 children can be
known
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
awarded
Correct your spelling
aware
show examples
what
Change preposition
of what
show examples
 may be knowledge or
danger
Replace the word
dangerous
show examples
 to them. On the one hand, the announcement is what provides everything to a man who needs to know.
Hence
, it should be one of the subjects in all learning environments since children can
be following
Wrong verb form
follow
show examples
 the report to be aware of what they could be careful about.
Furthermore
, what is updated may put them in a better position about how to survive in a terrible situation.
For instance
, there can be a huge number of men kidnapping a child in China or a man robbing money from younger guys in numerous countries.
On the other hand
, every school should add interesting news that helps to present anything
that is
 beneficial to students.
In addition
 to
this
, if news becomes what has to be learnt in a common class, it may make students active to update what
it's
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 happening on the planet. On the flip side, a lack of understanding of a bad situation on Earth will be a man who cannot follow know-how to cheat.
Thus
, every learning environment should embed its students in order to prevent them from something
makes
Verb problem
apply
show examples
dangerous for them.
To conclude
, the advantages of broadcasting in a secondary school outweigh the disadvantages. Since it aids children to know what they should be aware of and cater to every situation.
Submitted by amittawin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
The essay shows a basic level of coherence and cohesion but lacks a logical structure, and the introduction and conclusion need improvement.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task but needs to provide more relevant and specific examples to support the main points effectively.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: