IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Many food and beverage companies manufacture
products
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 with a lot of
carbohydrates
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, which is the reason for health problems. Sugary
products
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 would be made much more overpriced to help humans consume less sugar.
This
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 writer firmly contends that not only sweet diet cause
diabetes
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 but
also
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 it creates a community with bad-looking. First of all, drinks and food
products
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 which have high levels of
carbohydrates
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 consumed by consumers can make people increase penicillin in human organs. it is the main harmful agents that lead to
diabetes
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.
Moreover
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, it can make their livers have some problems like fat and unhealthy, seriously, it would cause steatosis.
For instance
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, nowadays, approximately 60% of society is likely to have
diabetes
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 especially the young
due to
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 the fact that they have to eat a lot of fast food and drink Coke which contains high
carbohydrates
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. So, the fees for
products
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 which include high sugar should be raised to reduce the overweight.
secondly
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, using high lactose
products
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 can make folks' bodies become bad-looking and ugly. Currently, society especially teens wants to be in a relationship with good-looking or shaped humans, they do not want to go on a date with people who are so fat.
Thus
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, the President should enhance the price of sugar
products
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. in conclusion, sugary
products
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 create a lot of diseases for folks like
diabetes
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 or overweight, They make the lactose in our body imbalanced and it can lead to death. So the government should make the costs of
carbohydrates
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 more expensive,
moreover
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, the community need to learn and control their daily routine , especially their diet.

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task achievement
Expand on your points with more detailed examples and explanations to ensure they are fully developed and clear.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow by ensuring each paragraph seamlessly connects to the next. Use more transition words to improve cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Check for grammatical accuracy and spelling. Care should be provided for subject-verb agreement and consistent use of tense.
task achievement
You addressed each part of the task and provided your opinion clearly, which is excellent for task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in understanding your argument.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar consumption
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • encourage
  • expensive
  • reduce
  • effectively
  • discourage
  • tight budget
  • purchasing
  • disproportionately
  • lower-income individuals
  • healthier food choices
  • demand
  • regardless
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