IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Many food and beverage companies manufacture
products
Use synonyms
 with a lot of
carbohydrates
Use synonyms
, which is the reason for health problems. Sugary
products
Use synonyms
 would be made much more overpriced to help humans consume less sugar.
This
Linking Words
 writer firmly contends that not only sweet diet cause
diabetes
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 it creates a community with bad-looking. First of all, drinks and food
products
Use synonyms
 which have high levels of
carbohydrates
Use synonyms
 consumed by consumers can make people increase penicillin in human organs. it is the main harmful agents that lead to
diabetes
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it can make their livers have some problems like fat and unhealthy, seriously, it would cause steatosis.
For instance
Linking Words
, nowadays, approximately 60% of society is likely to have
diabetes
Use synonyms
 especially the young
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that they have to eat a lot of fast food and drink Coke which contains high
carbohydrates
Use synonyms
. So, the fees for
products
Use synonyms
 which include high sugar should be raised to reduce the overweight.
secondly
Linking Words
, using high lactose
products
Use synonyms
 can make folks' bodies become bad-looking and ugly. Currently, society especially teens wants to be in a relationship with good-looking or shaped humans, they do not want to go on a date with people who are so fat.
Thus
Linking Words
, the President should enhance the price of sugar
products
Use synonyms
. in conclusion, sugary
products
Use synonyms
 create a lot of diseases for folks like
diabetes
Use synonyms
 or overweight, They make the lactose in our body imbalanced and it can lead to death. So the government should make the costs of
carbohydrates
Use synonyms
 more expensive,
moreover
Linking Words
, the community need to learn and control their daily routine , especially their diet.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Expand on your points with more detailed examples and explanations to ensure they are fully developed and clear.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the logical flow by ensuring each paragraph seamlessly connects to the next. Use more transition words to improve cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Check for grammatical accuracy and spelling. Care should be provided for subject-verb agreement and consistent use of tense.
task achievement
You addressed each part of the task and provided your opinion clearly, which is excellent for task response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in understanding your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar consumption
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • encourage
  • expensive
  • reduce
  • effectively
  • discourage
  • tight budget
  • purchasing
  • disproportionately
  • lower-income individuals
  • healthier food choices
  • demand
  • regardless
What to do next:
Look at other essays: