IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people feel that the legal age at which people can marry should be at least 21. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Many people argue that the eligible age for marriage is 21 or more. I strongly agree with
this
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 notion mainly because of maturity and financial readiness. At 21 , young individuals are considered ready before getting married because, at
this
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 stage, they are classified as mature. Their maturity is based on and supported by their education which they have experienced previously because usually, they have graduated from an undergraduate program.
As a result
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, they will calmly face every challenge in their future married life.
In other words
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, youngsters who marry at an early age tend to ruin their relationship by having more disputes with their spouses. It ends with a divorce
due to
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 their lack of maturity which can be seen from the vast number of separations among young Indonesian couples nowadays.
Furthermore
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, a 21-year-old bride is considered more independent in terms of finances. Economics issues have become the most common problem among couples in Indonesia.
Therefore
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, preparing for financial readiness by becoming
well literate
Add a hyphen
well-literate
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 in regard to
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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, and possessing enough capital, are crucial for every individual.
For example
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, the more ready the brides are
financial
Change the word
financially
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, the easier their life in the future will be.
It
Correct pronoun usage
This
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 is because they have already eliminated one of the potential problems. Achieving
such
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 financial independence before adolescence is normally difficult;
hence
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, allowing under 21 years old to marry will
cost
Verb problem
cause
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 them many future problems. In conclusion, issuing a policy requiring brides to be at least 21 years old is the right decision since marriage should be prepared well and supported by the couples’ psychological and financial readiness.

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task response
Overall, the essay addresses the question, but the ideas could be more clearly presented and the examples could be more relevant.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the logical structure of the main points could be more effectively organized for better coherence.
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