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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Moblie phones and the internet brings a lot of benefits to people nowadays. However, older people use them the least. In what aspects do mobile phones and the internet benefit older people? How can we encourage them to use these technologies?

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Although
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 mobile phones and the internet are common tools in modern life, older
people
Use synonyms
 seem to be barely favoured by them.
This
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 essay will delve into the benefits that technology can bring to the elderly before discussing possible ways to encourage its usage.
Initially
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, mobile phones and the internet narrowed the gap between old and young generations
due to
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 the offer of convenient communication access.
For example
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, video calls allow the elderly to contact their children immediately without geographical limits.
Moreover
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, social media bridges old
people
Use synonyms
 with the world through exposure to daily news and information.
This
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 will broaden their life circles and encourage them to step out of their comfort zones.
According to
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 the aforementioned, contemporary technologies can really contribute to positive outcomes for the older generation.
However
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, one of the main barriers between older
people
Use synonyms
 and technological tools is that they are not familiar with the use of these tools.
Therefore
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, support from family members plays a crucial role in building confidence in using them. Individuals should provide continuous and patient support in daily usage.
Furthermore
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, companies,
such
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 as Apple, offer regular campaigns, which teach their consumers to better use their products. These kinds of activities can effectively promote older
people
Use synonyms
's familiarity with modern technology.
To sum up
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, the development of technology has improved
people
Use synonyms
's lives in modern society, which older generations can definitely take advantage of .
Hence
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, it is important that individuals support the elderly with consistency and patience,
while
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 encouraging them to attend company campaigns to effectively increase their familiarity.

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task response
Answer both questions more fully. You explain the good points well, but the part about how to encourage old people can be a little more developed.
task response
Add one more clear and real example for each main idea. This will make your points stronger and easier to trust.
task response
Some ideas are clear, but a few parts are too general, like 'positive outcomes' and 'step out of their comfort zones'. Say exactly how life gets better.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. Keep this strong shape.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Most are good, but some phrases like 'According to the aforementioned' sound too formal and not natural here.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main point follow the last one more smoothly. A few sentences jump a little fast from one idea to another.
task response
You answer both parts of the question, so the essay stays on topic.
task response
Your main ideas are easy to find: communication, news, family help, and company help.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both clear and complete.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphing is good, and each paragraph has one main focus.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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