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Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries the proportion of older people is increasing. Could this have more negative of positive effects on society?

#countries #proportion #people #effects #society
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In recent years, with the help of science and medicine, life expectancy has extended in many countries.
This
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 trend concluded with a significant rise in healthcare costs and payments for pensions, but I personally consider that it has positive impacts on
society
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 as well. On the one hand, the growth of the aged population is a reason for a number of significant challenges for governments and
society
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. One of the main ramifications is the rising cost of health care, as there need for serious medical care and attention to control the health condition of seniors.
This
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 can put significant strain on public health systems, especially in countries with ageing populations and limited healthcare budgets.
Additionally
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, for an older population, the governments should allocate enormous financial aid to support the pension system as retired ones mainly rely on funded pensions.
As a result
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, these allocations will negatively affect the State Budget which plans to invest in other fields of the economy.
On the other hand
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, senior citizens occupy a valuable place in
society
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 and have several positive effects on
society
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. The experience and knowledge of these individuals are very important in the growth of young generations.
Also
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, with the help of the older generation, the youngsters will construct strong family roots by following the advice of elders.
Moreover
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, the increase in older people has an important impact on the healthcare industry since scientific laboratories and pharmaceutical companies will make an effort to meet the demands of the older generation who are in need of medical preparation and treatment. In conclusion,
although
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 the increase in the number of older people presents some repercussions for governments, it can be inferred that a considerable portion of older people can be helpful for all members of
society
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. It may create a great opportunity for the young to rely on the
olders’
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olders
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 experience for challenges in their social and professional lives. (S.N)
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task achievement
Your response to the task is mostly complete, addressing both the positive and negative aspects of an increasing older population. However, to raise your score, try to strengthen your argument with more specific examples or statistics that support your main points. This will help to make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
Your ideas are mostly clear, but there are some sections where they can be more comprehensively discussed. For instance, when elaborating on the positive impacts of older people, discuss more explicit instances of how their experience positively influences younger generations.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good logical structure and the introduction and conclusion are well defined. However, improving the transitions between paragraphs can help enhance the flow of ideas and aid reader comprehension. Use more transitional phrases such as 'Furthermore', 'For example', and 'As a result'.
coherence cohesion
Most of your main points are well-supported, but ensuring that each point is backed up with specific examples or further elaboration will strengthen your argument. For instance, you could mention specific countries or situations where the healthcare industry is benefiting from an increase in older people.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully included both an introduction and a conclusion, which provides a complete structure to your essay.
task achievement
You have brought up relevant points on both sides of the argument, showcasing a balanced perspective and a critical understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively, discussing both the positive and negative effects of an increasing older population on society.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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