Some people use social media to keep in touch with other people and news events. Do you think advantages of this out weighs the disadvantages?

These days, social media
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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a pivotal role in daily life, which enables
people
to contact others and maintain relationships among friends and family.
However
, there are some drawbacks including cybercrimes and addiction. In
this
essay, its pros and cons will be compared and discussed before my conclusion is reached. Currently, the number of cybercrimes has been increasingly recorded by the digital police. the offenders can use
Facebook
, Instagram, Twitter, and many more to hoax others in order to steal personal information and money.
For example
, my mom's friend's
Facebook
account
was hacked by a bad guy, and
this
guy used her
account
to borrow money from friends on the list. Eventually, more than 10 friends were convinced to transfer a large amount of money accounting for 1 million baht to the suspect
account
.
Furthermore
, online platforms can attribute
people
to addiction. Referring to the statistical data from mobile phone network services, individuals spend around 7 hours a day scrolling on
Facebook
, Instagram, and
Tiktok
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TikTok
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. As
the
Correct article usage
a
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result,
eyes problem
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eye problems
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and accidents on
road
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the road
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can happen.
On the other hand
, there are enormous benefits that can be found on social media. First of all, it can keep
people
in touch. To illustrate, my friend keeps posting and updating their life via their
Facebook
page, and Instagram story and I can follow their
account
to know their information so that it feels like we meet each other every day.
In addition
, the news feed on the
Facebook
page allows individuals to know more about the modern world and improve their knowledge. From my experience, I always watch videos from the Nasdaily page, which tell interesting stories about successful
people
across the world.
Therefore
, I
learn
Wrong verb form
learned
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the culture and attitude of these
people
and can adapt their strategies to improve my life. In conclusion, social media acts as a two-edged sword, which has both benefits and drawbacks.
According to
the aforementioned benefits
consisting
Wrong verb form
consist
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of keeping relationships and updating valuable news. Presumably, I think that the advantages of online publishing absolutely outweigh its disadvantages.
Submitted by pantamitsaekong on

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task response
Ensure that all parts of the essay directly address the task prompt, and provide a clear and systematic discussion of the advantages and disadvantages of using social media. Consider presenting a balanced view by discussing both positive and negative aspects in depth.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction that previews the main points and a conclusion that summarizes the discussion. However, there is room for improvement in the organization of ideas within paragraphs and the use of cohesive devices to link sentences and ideas more effectively.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster connections
  • geographical barriers
  • disseminating
  • credible sources
  • misinformation
  • mental health
  • social comparison
  • cyberbullying
  • leverage
  • digital marketplace
  • political activism
  • social justice
  • widespread mobilization
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