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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many people believe that schools should teach students good behavior as well as other subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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There has been controversy about whether schools should focus on educational purposes or they
also
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 should provide courses to teach their students good and right behaviour. As long as educational courses are important, schools are responsible for their
pupils
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' behaviour.
This
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 essay explains the reason why I agree with
this
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 notion.
To begin
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 with, compulsory lectures
as well as
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 maths, Science and physics should be taken into consideration by the education minister.
In addition
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, These subjects not only play an important role in the school system but
also
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 build
pupils
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' futures.
In other words
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, future job career depends on these courses and career opportunities cannot be accessible without being a professional in a related degree. In the engineering field,
for example
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, the more one is capable of doing math the more one can reach a high-ranked engineering position.
Therefore
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, the importance of those subjects should not be ignored.
On the other hand
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, schooling is a student's second home and educators should provide guidelines to their
pupils
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 to follow the instructions and recognise the actions whether are correct or not.
Although
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 parents play an important role in their children's actions, the noticeable time of the day of children is spent in school with other
pupils
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 and teachers.
Furthermore
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, by attending school, children can learn how to handle conflicts, solve differences and communicate effectively.
Additionally
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, these skills are crucial in their later lives, both personal and professional.
For instance
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, nowadays in many schools, there are moral lessons about honesty, and how to be polite and respectful.
Hence
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, these lessons may gradually improve students' behaviour in good ways. In conclusion, from my perspective, I believe educators should instil positive conduct in students to boost their communication skills
as well as
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 offer educational and informative programs for their future opportunities.

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task response
Task Response: While your essay addresses the topic and provides a clear position, remember to fully expand and support your arguments with specific examples. Developing your ideas more thoroughly would enhance the task achievement score. Each point you make should be substantiated with relevant details that illustrate your arguments better.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay displays a clear progression of ideas and adequate use of paragraphing. However, work on enhancing the logical connection between your ideas by improving transitions and ensuring that each body paragraph focuses on a single main idea, which should directly support your thesis statement. Also, minimize repetition of points to strengthen the logical structure of your essay.
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