Many people today do not feel safe either at home or when they are out. What are the causes? What are the solutions?

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Taiwan

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Taiwan,

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our public security was great in the past, but nowadays it is not as good as in previous years, and some citizens feel that society is neither safe at home

Correct word choice

nor

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outdoors.

This

Linking Words

essay will discuss what are some of the possible causes and offer possible solutions. I believe that for some of the following reasons our safety was put in jeopardy.

Firstly

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, video game addiction impacted teenagers deeply. Some video games are cruel and bloody, and

that

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is impacting

Wrong verb form

impacts

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the

mind

Fix the agreement mistake

minds

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of people who play the games. Some gamers will confuse real life and game life, which causes them to be numb to pain and suffering.

Secondly

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, employment status is

also

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an issue.

For instance

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, my uncle is jobless, and he does not have any income which makes him feel hungry and in poor mental health. Food is necessary for our bodies.

Hence

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, when they do not have money to get what they need, start living a life of crime.

For example

Linking Words

, my friend Jack is unemployed and he was caught by the police, for stealing a loaf of bread from the supermarket when he was starving. There are several solutions to help the crime rate decrease. The first idea is to encourage your family and friends to do more outdoor activities to reduce their gaming time. To be honest, internet addicts find it difficult to control their gaming time, so they need help from others. Another idea is for the government to implement more schemes to help the unemployed find new work faster. Another example is Jason who was made redundant

last

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month. He was worried about an income to feed his family,

Linking Words

however

Add a comma

however,

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Correct your spelling

new

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now

Correct your spelling

new

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scheme backed by the government has helped him find a new position In conclusion, we read and hear about the increase

Change preposition

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crime in

news

Correct article usage

the news

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, and we need to find out the causes and solutions to improve our families in the community

gac7077Fri Sep 09 2022

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Task Response

Ensure that the essay addresses all parts of the question in depth, and make sure to present a clear and well-organized response to the task. Use specific examples and elaborate on the ideas presented.

Coherence and Cohesion

The logical structure is fair, with a clear introduction and conclusion, but some parts of the essay lack cohesion. Work on connecting ideas between paragraphs and use transition words to improve coherence.

Lexical Resource

The essay displays a good range of vocabulary, but there are instances of misuse and lack of precision. Strive for accuracy and fluency in expressing ideas, and avoid repetitive language.

Grammatical Range

The essay shows a fair range of grammatical structures and accurate use of tenses. However, be mindful of subject-verb agreement, sentence structure, and punctuation errors.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

322 words

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Many people today do not feel safe either at home or when they are out. What are the causes? What are the solutions?

Your opinion

‘Healthcare should always be funded by governments, and it should always be free for people to use.’ To what extent do you agree or disagree with this idea?

Physical fitness is essential for a healthy lifestyle. How important is it for schools to include physical education in their curriculum, and what can be done to ensure students remain active outside of school

Over the last few decades, the media has promoted the image of young thin women as being ideal. what problem has this caused? what solution can you suggest to this issue?