In today's world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#world #people #money #appearance #happen #development

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These days in the modern world, individuals waste a myriad of money on their youthful appearance. I assumed that

this

Linking Words

is happening

due to

Linking Words

the huge amount of advertisements and the inner instinct

of being

Change preposition

to be

show examples

praised for their

beauty

Use synonyms

. So I found it detrimental to the health and self-confidence of society. Cosmetic industries, like any other industry, catch

people

Use synonyms

's attention through ads. Any company strives to compete with others by illustrating younger models who are beautified with the company's

products

Use synonyms

This

Linking Words

may increase not only the

beauty

Use synonyms

standards but

also

Linking Words

mislead

people

Use synonyms

about the fact that

beauty

Use synonyms

means youth.

Consequently

Linking Words

people

Use synonyms

would splurge on cosmetic

products

Use synonyms

to modify themselves with

such

Linking Words

standards.

Moreover

Linking Words

, everyone yearns to be praised for their

beauty

Use synonyms

. Even though all

people

Use synonyms

are aware of their official age, they will be grateful if somebody admires their physical appearance and

tell

Correct subject-verb agreement

tells

show examples

them that they look young for their age. Individuals who are getting on a bit may hear

this

Linking Words

admiration less, so they would purchase cosmetic

products

Use synonyms

or even do some aesthetic facial surgery to look younger. The detrimental effects of

this

Linking Words

tendency are that it may reduce the social health status.

Capitalize word

show examples

illustrate, some

people

Use synonyms

may undergo unnecessary plastic surgery or buy cosmetic

products

Use synonyms

to catch up with the trend of being young, so

this

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may have hazardous side effects like emboly and skin disorders.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, the fashion of looking younger could have a negative influence on

people

Use synonyms

experiencing their

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

naturally.

For instance

Linking Words

, they might lose their self-confidence when they compare themselves with others.

To sum up

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, there is a piece of evidence explaining that advertisements and

people

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's need for praise cause the trend of being young, which is harmful to

people

Use synonyms

's health and mental status.

Submitted by maryam.mahmoodi20 on Fri Sep 09 2022

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task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your points.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that your ideas are logically organized and connected throughout the essay.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

293 words

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In today's world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Governments should ban dangerous sports. Others think that people should have the freedom to do any sport activity. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that the difference between the lowest paid job and the highest should be reduced. To what extent do you agree or disagree