IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Compared to the past, more younger adults take medications for degenerative diseases. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer

#adults #medications #diseases #support
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In the current modernisation,
people
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's style of life has drastically changed in comparison to the past, resulting in more younger adults
to take
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taking
show examples
 medications for degenerative
disease
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diseases
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. In
this
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 essay, I shall provide lucid examples and causes
to
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of
show examples
such
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 degradation of
health
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. Long ago, most
people
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 were working manual
works
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work
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 which require much more effort and eventually,
people
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 were much more dynamic and healthy. Nowadays,
people
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 sit in an office where they feel more stressed and barely make movements,
thus
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 resulting
to
Change preposition
in
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 poor
health
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 and obesity.
Similarly
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,
instead
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 of walking,
people
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 take their cars to drive short distances, definitively causing illnesses
such
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 as cardiac, high cholesterol, diabetes and high blood pressure. We
unfortunately
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, unfortunately,
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 observe that young
people
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 have to take tabs earlier than they should.
Additionally
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, the quality of
food
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 products
are
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is
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 of poor quality. There are more processed foods on the market which are rich in sugar, carbohydrates and grease.
People
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 were eating more healthy
food
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 long ago but nowadays, fast
food
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 and restaurants are
opened
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open
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 mostly everywhere and
people
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 are tempted to eat rich
food
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 which are drivers of a complicated
health
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 state.
Moreover
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, meat and chicken are being grown with hormones and
likewise
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, for vegetables, pesticides and artificial stimulants are added to them for rapid growth. All these factors are unfortunately deteriorating our
health
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. In the past, children were playing in
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the garden
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garden
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gardens
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 and
running
Wrong verb form
ran
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 in the neighbourhoods. But now, kids stay in their house, scotched to their
tablet
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tablets
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 and smartphone, meanwhile, eating snacks which contain
food
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colorant
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colourant
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,salt and oil. Obviously, all these factors are worsening
people
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's
health
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. In conclusion, being realistic, young
people
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's
health
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 will continue to deteriorate as long their lifestyle does not change. The government should provide more facilities
such
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 as
sport
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sports
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 complex
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
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 be accessible to everyone freely.
Moreover
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,
bio farming
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bio-farming
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 should be encouraged so that the products available to customers are healthy.
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