IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Due to many young people dropping out from schools , the rate of unemployment is increasing and it effects our society in different ways . In your opinion , how can this situation be improved.

#people #schools #rate #unemployment #effects #society #situation
Because of dropping out youngsters of school, there is an increase in unemployment sharply and it affects every society in different ways. As far as my opinion is concerned,
this
 is one of the major problems all over the
world
 and we have to solve
this
 problem.
To begin
 with, studies are now very important all over the
world
. To get a job in several careers you have to study and do hard work in your studies. As we know, without
education
 you can not survive in the
world
. There are many people who are unemployed because they have not done their
education
 at the time of
education
 they were enjoying their life by doing bad things, and not going to school, college or university.They bunked many important classes and in the
end
Add a comma
,end
show examples
 they can't get passing marks and they left their
education
 because they do not have an
interest
 in that and now they are feeling bad for that and thinking about past and feel bad about what they have done wrong things.In our ,society it causes a bad effect on children and children
Add the particle
to
show examples
think it's good not to be educated.
On the other hand
, we have to solve
this
 problem to protect our kids' careers.The solution to
this
 problem is that we must understand our children before getting him/her to school we should ask them what think they have an
interest
 because
for example
, if they have an
interest
 in computers,we should support them and get their admission to computer science subject because their
interest
 will make that subject easy for them and they will learn by enjoying it. To conclude in my essay, I must advise students to carry on with their studies because without
education
 you are nothing to the
world
 doing good in
education
 will make your future easier and happier and never give up on the hard times that come in early life but in
this
 hard
time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
 you should believe on your self.
Submitted by minhlieu.hnd on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: