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Band 4

Young people who commit crimes should be treated the same as adults by the authorities .To what do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #adults #authorities
Many people believe that
criminals
 who are under adolescent age should get
sentence
Fix the agreement mistake
sentences
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same
Correct article usage
the same
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 as adult ones and
this
 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
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equality.
Although
 youngsters should be punished for their crimes
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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there are other alternatives
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 harsh sentences which can be more effective. Offering training
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 and giving them compulsory social activities can be named as best ones.
First
,
harsh
Correct article usage
a harsh
show examples
sentence
 not only doesn’t change teenagers but
also
put
Correct subject-verb agreement
puts
show examples
 them in a situation which makes them professional
criminals
 after their jail term is finished.
On the other hand
, training programs can help young
criminals
 to learn useful skills and work in industries after their
sentence
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
therefore
, they would not have to do robberies and burglaries due to financial hardships and they would be able to pay their own outlays.
Second
,
hard
Add an article
a hard
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condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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 during
sentence
Correct article usage
the sentence
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 period can cause
variety
Add an article
a variety
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 of mental diseases as well as
effecting
Correct your spelling
affecting
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 their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 in the worst way possible and they would not be able to be a beneficial person for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
on
Change preposition
in
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 the future.
However
, compulsory social activities make people more sociable
specially
Replace the word
especially
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 youngsters who have committed
Add an article
a crime
the crime
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crime
Fix the agreement mistake
crimes
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 and they can be prepared in the best way to live as
helpful
Add an article
a helpful
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person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. To conclude, young
criminals
 must not be charged
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 harsh sentences because they can be treated easily and
then
 be
an ideal citizens
Correct the article-noun agreement
ideal citizens
an ideal citizen
show examples
. Training programs and compulsory social activities can be named as the most efficient alternatives for those charges and they can enhance accused
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 and sociability and help them to be financially independent in future.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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